Tuesday, December 11, 2007
its been so long since the last post. which wasnt even by me. which is why it was deleted. im pretty sure no one comes here now. i jus need somewhere to put down some words that can express how i feel/felt about certain things and be sure that it will always be available for reading anywhere anytime.
in the past couple of months, things have changed alot. some that are known to all, many that are not. and by this im sure i speak for almost everyone out there. be it in environment or studies or relationships, things are bound to have changed. the difference being in whether u were being controlled or u were in control.
i like to think that im in control of things that are controllable. which is realistically speaking quite impossible. which is also why i try to get involved as little as possible with whichever and whatever. the outcome of this is that i distance myself from alot of things and people so that i do not have to get entangled in the ever-so-often argument or politics as many call it. this i regret, as it has led to a relatively empty life for me. safe but empty. happy? not really.
this desire to protect what i wanted has come at the expense of others' happiness. but its mine or theirs. and its not jus a day or a week or a month. its for years. so. as the chinese saying goes, "ren bu wei ji, tian zhu di mie". i do not deny that the fault lies with me, whether it was making the wrong decision at the start or at the end, but i also do not regret it. the desire for one's own happiness should come first. its a dog eat dog world.
on this note, i totally despise those who are fickle about their stands. everchanging alliances to suit their purposes and moods. one moment ur best friend, the next ur enemy. and in the twinkle of the eye, ur best friend again. if u were hurt, give urself some time to get over it, then pick urself up, learn from it, and shut up. no one likes to hear or see someone wallowing in self-pity. i would know, i was like that before too. and its really quite pathetic, friend or no friend. one moment this, next moment that, next moment this. and all because of one single event that everyone has since long forgotten. so pls. stop disgracing urself.
zzzz.
in the past couple of months, things have changed alot. some that are known to all, many that are not. and by this im sure i speak for almost everyone out there. be it in environment or studies or relationships, things are bound to have changed. the difference being in whether u were being controlled or u were in control.
i like to think that im in control of things that are controllable. which is realistically speaking quite impossible. which is also why i try to get involved as little as possible with whichever and whatever. the outcome of this is that i distance myself from alot of things and people so that i do not have to get entangled in the ever-so-often argument or politics as many call it. this i regret, as it has led to a relatively empty life for me. safe but empty. happy? not really.
this desire to protect what i wanted has come at the expense of others' happiness. but its mine or theirs. and its not jus a day or a week or a month. its for years. so. as the chinese saying goes, "ren bu wei ji, tian zhu di mie". i do not deny that the fault lies with me, whether it was making the wrong decision at the start or at the end, but i also do not regret it. the desire for one's own happiness should come first. its a dog eat dog world.
on this note, i totally despise those who are fickle about their stands. everchanging alliances to suit their purposes and moods. one moment ur best friend, the next ur enemy. and in the twinkle of the eye, ur best friend again. if u were hurt, give urself some time to get over it, then pick urself up, learn from it, and shut up. no one likes to hear or see someone wallowing in self-pity. i would know, i was like that before too. and its really quite pathetic, friend or no friend. one moment this, next moment that, next moment this. and all because of one single event that everyone has since long forgotten. so pls. stop disgracing urself.
zzzz.
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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:35 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:35 PM-