no-brainer post:
I CAN GO FLY-KITE.

means alot though. if u know wads goin on. =x


and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:02 AM-

its not clear. what is to be. or what isnt. its not clear. show a sign i said. but there are now a flurry of contradicting signs and things that have happened that really leaves me wondering.

i wonder what you are really thinking. i wonder what you think of all this. perhaps u are even oblivious to everything that im talking about. who knows? i jus dun dare to ask. to even come close to this topic to gauge.

we all miss some1. a good friend now overseas. a family member who passed away. your old dog who died in his sleep. your ex(es). tt pain, more in some cases, is harboured in your heart. the memories engulf you in suffering as every place you go brings back those wonderful times. even the most unrelated things can trigger off residual memories and bring back, even amplify the torment that you were feeling.

the past was bad. but this does not mean one forsakes the present. you do not give up the oppourtunity to make new friends. you do not not love your other family members. you do not have to abstain from getting another pet. similarly, you do not stop yourself from opening up and loving some1 as much as you did with him/her.

ive said this before to some1, and i'll say it again:
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it u would let go of today?

to let go of sth, is not to forget it ever happened. it is to accept that it has already happened. and from there on you either make choices that could undo what has been done or you move on. in most cases, what's done is done. and most people find themselves moving on. reluctantly. painfully. why make it so difficult? true, its harder to do than to say. i was there once. i know how it feels. but stop wallowing in self-pity, i realised too late. no one owes you anything(aside from money they borrowed). even if you love/loved some1 with all your heart, that person aint obliged to reciprocate/stay with you. true giving has no expectations. so dun expect nothing.

giving some1 all your love and concern is no assurance that they will love you back in the same way. dun expect love in return-jus wait for it to grow in his/her heart. but if it doesnt, be content that it grew it yours.

all hail the power of love, for it alone surpasses all the other great evils--greed, cunningness, etc. even the most evil of people can get swayed by the simple act of love. dun get me wrong, it could be the love of something else and not some1. but it is love nonetheless. sure, love in itself is a great evil. it manifests greed, trickery, butchery. nations can rise and fall riding on this fact. ancient empires are testimony to that.

on a lighter note, some1 jus talked to me about Him. this issue of faith has crossed my path countless times and each time i find myself looking for Him in my life. from people's experience sharing, i find Him in alot of areas of my life. however, i jus cant seem to find tt one thing that empowers me to really believe. i find myself skeptical of certain issues and beliefs, which forms a barrier that shows no space and allowance for religion.

ohwell. life isnt as hyped up as it is said to be. it can get a little draggy at times.











and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:06 AM-

"please, know wad you wan. you dunno how you are hurting pple with your fickle mind. i pity hger. maybe, i dunno the situation, but i hate wad you are doing. i hate guys like you. wait a min, i hate all guys. cause you FUCKING bastards are all like that, breaking hearts like it doesnt matter at all, like it wldnt hurt abit. just wait. you will have a taste of it soon. i trust god."

got the above from someone's blog. aimed at me. i think.

anw. things sometimes are not what they appear to be. true what this person said did happen to a certain extent but when this person said "maybe, i dunno the situation, but....", this person was so so right.

however, unfortunately for this person, im not going to explain what i mean because i simply do not see the need to make this kind of things clear to others. especially to someone who passes judgements pretty quickly.

all i have to say is: im sure she knows why this happened. i dunno if she told u but there's some things that u needa know before making this kinda incriminating posts.

so. get ur facts(and ur life) straight before trying to flame people.

-bows-








and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:30 PM-

sometimes im such a fool.










and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:56 PM-

sickness is a terrible thing to grapple with. especially when its terminal. ur jus waiting for ur time to come. slowly slowly, day by day. its such a terrible state to be in. aah.

the issue of laziness and fun-loving is catching up with me again. im having probs with doin my part of the CIP PBL proj. im sorry to my grp mates. but there's jus too many things happening. of cos it mainly lies with my laziness but there're also some issues tt i have to face.

i suddenly feel like my life is kinda empty. sure i have the support and company of many friends and even some special ones-u know who u are. but i still feel empty. the space tt is meant to be filled by tt special some1 has remained this way for jus too long. sure this is sth most pple can do without. but for me, this is jus the way i function. the need for someone to be there for me almost engulfs me in anguish as i realise with a sting tt there's no one to take on tt role.

its not an issue of there not being anyone willing. its jus tt im not willing. it aint mutual. the few pple whom i feel able to share tt special sth with either dun find it mutual or have left me. the fault lies with me? perhaps. i wun deny it. i failed to treasure wad i once had. and when i was willing to change/changing/changed, there was jus no more chance for anything.

wads wrong with me. the sadness and pain i feel each day from the emptiness of my life really hurts. on this note, i wan to apologise to a certain some1. its not ur fault or anything u did. the way the whole issue was handled between us wasnt very smooth and it lay on my side of the court. i kinda understand the anguish u feel and the mixed emotions tt trouble u. or perhaps i dun. but im sorry nevertheless and i jus wanna say tt things between us wil nvr work out the way we wan it to be. we may click well, but i jus cant bring myself to commit. and its jus not fair to u.

when will tt some1 appear in my life? when will tt some1 whom i can share the ups and downs of life together with surface? i can safely say tt there are pple like tt. pple whom i alr know. most have left me for greener pastures. there's jus this 1. this unique 1 who makes my heart at ease jus by talking to me. i can tell she doesnt even try but somehow it jus works wonders with me. if only i knew how to be as special to her, to make her feel the same way or even more about me. perhaps some guys could do tt very well--capturing a lady's heart. and perhaps i could. but tt side of me has died along with the failure of my past.

show me some response, and i will love u as i have nvr loved before, treasure u as the most priceless of treasures and make u feel tt love really makes the world go round.

jus show me some response.



True giving has no expectations.







and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:34 AM-

would it be possible to meet and just fall in love with some1 whom you've jus met? to know tt tt person is the one whom you've been looking for all along. tt this is exactly what you've always wanted in a partner.

oppourtunity leaps out at you, screaming to be taken by the hand and grasped tightly. but jus as you contemplate making a move or doin anything, fate comes along and deals you a blow. tt person is leaving. before you even got to know him/her better. a bitter blow.

long dist r/s are hard to maintain they say. even more so when you hardly know or spent time with each other. whats there to treasure? whats there to trust? you nvr meant anything to him/her. jus another random person who happened to cross their path in life.

i kid you not. 4 years is a long time to be gone. cities can fall and rise in this time. many things can and will change. new people will appear and some friends would be lost along with the flow of time. how is it possible tt things between you 2 would last through this ordeal? even good friends may be lost, what more a mere stranger like you?

it may not be a problem with him/her, but perhaps it would be for you? could you resist the temptation of the infinite flow of beauty and glamour around you? all tt charm, tt flirting. would you be fair to yourself to even try and wait 4 years? even the people around you are telling you tt it aint possible and tt you shouldnt step into it. but is it really? would you really succumb to the power of greed tt easily if you had the power of love backing you up?

and then again. do you even have tt power with you? it could jus be a dream fantasy on ur part. tt special person may not even realise he/she is tt some1, even if he/she were reading this very passage right now. face it. 4 days of knowing some1 and liking him/her proves nothing. its nothing. it happens to every1. its what you were to do from now on tt matters. what u could do to make things happen. the roulette of fate has bestowed 2 and a half more months for you 2 to develop things and work it out, if anything actually happens. 2 months to make things memorable, to make it possible.

to even jus try would mean to sacrifice some part of your life. people who love you in the same way as you do this special person for eg. this grp of people would be lost to you. even your friends. cos this would be a question of ur integrity and how much value they can place on your word and if u somehow betray what you promised to do, friendships could be jeopardised.

so ask yourself, are you prepared? are you willing to make sacrifices? are you willing to try?




you may not fall in love easily, and your going away may affect things, but this wont stop me from trying. for you are what i want in life.












and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:01 AM-

italy won e world cup. 5-3 on penalty shoot-out. enjoyed e match. enjoyed e company even more. pity though. pity.

my mind's reeling now. too many thought processes can do tt to a person. thinking is such hard work. esp when feelings are involved. these things are delicate issues and have to be dealt with appropriately.

why did this have to happen?

y do u have to fly off.










and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:08 AM-

is it to be or not to be? tt is the question. many things are an uncertainty. i do not know the answers to most if not all of the questions tt pple may have for me. i am unable to answer. i live in uncertainty. but i do not enjoy this living.

i dun like the way tt my mind works. my heart goes against my brain. and this knowing tt i have such a mindset and tt im such a person, really scares me. it puts me in a position tt i fear, tt i do not want to be in. and it aint easy to move out of it.

so wad are the questions? i dun know. u tell me.

know me better, and answer your questions for yourself.










and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:29 PM-

amelia
audrey
brianna
cindy
clan
dixon
jezreel
lav
mad
rene
shiying
sokwai
xiufang
yeeling