letting go. hard as it seems, we all have to learn to do so. nothing could possibly be gained from holding onto sad memories. failures, heartbreak. we all experience either if not both of these situations from time to time. over the years, such experiences would amalgamate into a huge mine of memories and emotions. and if not handled properly, life thereafter could very well be affected.

ever since the bad breakup in jan earlier this year, it has been difficult to swallow another love-pill. fear is abound. comparisons are made, calculations performed. despite having very good feelings for those people, the fear that it would not be as good as what was once a very happy relationship kept me bound to the "single" shelf, and perhaps breaking a couple of hearts along the way.

its not that there isnt anyone whom is better. its that they arent available or that things just dont work out. and when things dont work out, a vicious cycle begins. self-belief is thrown into the pits. depression sinks in. irritability. people get pissed. more irritability. and on it goes. and this is how it has been. on and off, on and off. never able to escape from that position, a mental war ensues. a fight between the present and the past.

then. yesterday. a friend said: "i wont n i dont know if it'll ever be as good. but if u dont try, u wont know. if u think its right, just try. or u might regret."

thinking about it for the better part of the night and most part of the morning, a conclusion was arrived at. it doesnt make sense to pull down the present along with the outcome of the past. as they say, let bygones be bygones. forgive but dont forget. forgive the person who hurt you. forgive yourself for hurting others. forgive those who hurt your loved ones. but never forget. let go of the hatred. but remember the pain and take it as a lesson learnt. dont let your sad experiences go to waste. make sure something is gained from it.

be bold. let go of your past.

dull?










and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:18 PM-

fate. the simple belief that what is meant to happen will happen. it results in people having destinies. the path that they were called upon to walk. the burdens that they were meant to carry. one's destiny is fixed. what is meant to happen will happen.

rubbish. hogwash. baloney. balderdash. the concept of fate is purely a theory thought up to put the weak at ease. it allows those who are unable to attain what they truly want to have a sense of ease that something better will come along.

its true that that is a good way of thinking and one would have a lot less worries and frustrations to deal with. but why let your dreams and desires float past you? just because the currents of life did not deliver your boat of yearnings to you, does that mean you merely stand on the shore and wait for the next boat to come along, hoping that it runs right up to your feet before you take action? why not take the chance and swim out to catch that boat?

its all fated. thats what they all say. when someone fails to achieve what he wants, that dictum hangs by the corner of the mouth. and so is it when he achieves it. its all fated. there's no need to fight for what we want.

true, some of us hold the believe that there's a limit to fighting for what you want, just like there's a limit to how far one can swim. but hey. you will never know your limit until you push yourself to try. no matter how hard it is.

to get something that you have never gotten, you have to do something that you have never done before. that is the way life works.

screw fate. screw morals. just try your best to keep yourself happy. selfish thoughts. but hey, we only get one shot at life. make the best out of it.

it aint fated.

its still a dull day.









and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:07 PM-

friendship. the biggest and most extensive ship ever built. it sails the world, bringing people of different backgrounds together in a massive network. yet, it could very well be one of the most fragile and easily sinkable kind of ship. that would depend entirely on the individual.

most people are on the same boat, but there are some jokers who like to sail on their own. they try to be captains of their own lives, and fully control who they let on their ship. they decide who their life consists of. these people perhaps do not fully understand and comprehend the depth with which the concept of friendship operates in.

and then there are those who jump ship without giving the consequences a second thought. these people switch alliances as readily as a hungry puppy laps up its milk. it is true perhaps that this is a common thing that happens in life--switching of cliques--but if it happens at the snap of one's fingers, then dont you think it aint all that good..?

now, there are those who would push others off the ship. or at least try to. this is what makes the whole concept of friendship so fragile. internal rivalry. jealousy. greed. love.

vague post i know. shallow in depth even. but i dont want to think no more. i dont want to identify and analyse the ugliness within each and every one of us.

jus think about what you are doing. even if it is a dull day.









and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:10 PM-

esp isit wrong to like someone?
a type of feeling humans cant control?
i certainly disagree to it.
feelings can control.
it just depends on yrself.

got the above from nat's blog. asked the question "what is wrong with liking some1 who is attached?" answer was "it was never right.. .. loving her was a sin"

the thing is. feelings are uncontrollable. its the outcomes of those feelings that are. you feel angry. hungry. emo. loved. all these are feelings that just occur. they happen and register within you without a second thought. there's nothing wrong in feeling a certain way. its jus natural to feel. but. if you feel angry and punch your antagoniser, then its wrong. if you feel hungry and steal food, then its wrong. if you feel emo and ignore your loved ones, it aint wrong but it sure is gonna hurt some1. if you feel loved or loving for that matter, and go wreck some1's relationship, then thats wrong.

so get it right. feelings ARE uncontrollable. if u feel some way then you feel some way. nothing anyone or anything can do about it.

confused. angry.









and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:30 AM-

secrets. trust. gossip. lost of that trust. aware of it or not, people just cant seem to keep secrets. some purely fail to phantom the consequences of their actions. some jus cant be bothered. and there are those who manipulate the trust put in them to their own benefit.

there have been too many cases of misplaced trust recently. people-friends or not-are scary. they blabber like no one's business. as mentioned, they may not know the consequences. but thats exactly what makes them scary. which is y the best policy sometimes is just to keep quiet.

shut the hell up.

who are your friends? what is the definition of friends? merely people who are willing to talk to you? to humour you when you are bored? do you have any true friends out there? someone who would protect you and be there for you no matter what? someone who truly understands you and what you want? ah! the fickleness in which friendship encases itself in. or perhaps the right people have yet to show themselves. then again, they could be staring you in the eye just that it hasnt been noticed.

moving on to relationships. matters of the heart. who's to say who's right and who's wrong? who's to say you can do this and you can't do that? conforming to peer pressure. thats the easy way out. ether you listen or you're out. why dont people ever choose out? is it that fearsome? or is it a matter of pride?

put the pride down for what you want. drop the act. show it. only then can it be judged if you are worthy of it.

i doubt i am.









and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:09 PM-

its difficult to handle relations. not relationships mind you. just relations. people are complicated creatures. in what they want, what they do and what they feel. its baffling.

choices have to be made and sometimes these choices are rather unfair. sometimes people are forced to make choices in certain circumstances. it could be to choose between two pieces of clothing. two handphone models. two people. basically, two (or more) different alternatives. and the choices that they make obviously expresses their preferences.

from another perspective, if you were one of these choices, how would you feel? being the one that is going to get possibly thrown aside for another person/thing.

i cant think any further.

its f-ed up.

but ur my someone for now. you are what i want.











and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:31 AM-

the ugly side of humans. the second face. the hidden secrets. the unknown desires. these hold a terrible power. and this power, when unleashed, will wreak havoc upon the intricate relationships that bind people together.

friendships are made and broken. desires are fulfilled. dreams are crushed. secrets are revealed. the ugly monster is let loose. God have mercy on the unsuspecting victims of this massacre.

is it worth it? whats gonna happen next?

i wonder.









and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:27 AM-

many things are happening. meeting new people day after day. having fun day after day.

but will what i want to happen happen? will it come true? will i find what i want to find?

tell me. show me.








and the world spits on me again

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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:07 AM-

amelia
audrey
brianna
cindy
clan
dixon
jezreel
lav
mad
rene
shiying
sokwai
xiufang
yeeling