Wednesday, October 25, 2006
third parties. the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. that other girl. or guy. that bitch. bastard. that heartless creature who broke up a happy relationship. mean people they are. but is it really their fault?
blaming that 'third party' does no one any good. for one, its hardly that person's fault. all right he or she might have known that your beloved was attached to you. but feelings are boundary-less. uncontainable. unstoppable. uncontrollable. he/she could have liked your other half til there was no end. but ultimately, the choice of whether you stay in the picture lies in your beloved's hands. if you get booted, then hey. feelings between you two werent that strong after all.
think about it. the mere fact that your other half actually strayed from you is proof enough that something is going wrong. and unless you can reel him/her back in to you, its pointless getting so heart-wrenched over it. if it works out between you two, then fine the relationship gets stronger. but if it doesnt, jus walk out of it.
but. for those of you out there who find yourselves dropping in as third parties. this does not mean that you go all out to spoil things between the two lovebirds. there is a line that has to be drawn so that you do not find yourself getting cursed and scolded. jus be there as a friend or perhaps slightly closer. do not fall into anything with your 'target'. do not get into any commitments. do not get physical. in essence, do not give him/her a reason to break up. as in. do not be the reason they break. let it be something that would have happened even without your presence and not cos you are more of a looker or a better kisser or what-have-you.
i know what it feels like to be dumped by a loved one for another guy. but i learnt to get over it. and i came up with my own 'rules' for being that other guy.
the game of love. i hate it sometimes.
and the world spits on me again
blaming that 'third party' does no one any good. for one, its hardly that person's fault. all right he or she might have known that your beloved was attached to you. but feelings are boundary-less. uncontainable. unstoppable. uncontrollable. he/she could have liked your other half til there was no end. but ultimately, the choice of whether you stay in the picture lies in your beloved's hands. if you get booted, then hey. feelings between you two werent that strong after all.
think about it. the mere fact that your other half actually strayed from you is proof enough that something is going wrong. and unless you can reel him/her back in to you, its pointless getting so heart-wrenched over it. if it works out between you two, then fine the relationship gets stronger. but if it doesnt, jus walk out of it.
but. for those of you out there who find yourselves dropping in as third parties. this does not mean that you go all out to spoil things between the two lovebirds. there is a line that has to be drawn so that you do not find yourself getting cursed and scolded. jus be there as a friend or perhaps slightly closer. do not fall into anything with your 'target'. do not get into any commitments. do not get physical. in essence, do not give him/her a reason to break up. as in. do not be the reason they break. let it be something that would have happened even without your presence and not cos you are more of a looker or a better kisser or what-have-you.
i know what it feels like to be dumped by a loved one for another guy. but i learnt to get over it. and i came up with my own 'rules' for being that other guy.
the game of love. i hate it sometimes.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:31 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:31 PM-
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
restrained. lack of freedom. controlled. these are but a few of the many complaints that the average teenager would have against their parents. but the trend is to obey the elders and do as told, albeit with much reluctance and unhappiness. no matter how angry we are and how unfair we feel a certain situation is, instructions are usually obeyed. this phenomenon could probably be explained by the fact that we all look up to our parents to a certain extent.
always our pillar of strength, the first people we think of when we get into trouble, we idolise them and expect them to know what to do in practically every situation. no doubt they are senior and have gone through much more than what our limited lifes have offered us but it does not mean that they are impregnable. they have their weak moments too.
this afternoon in the hospice. my mum paid a visit to my dad, whose temper these days is rather unpredictable and volatile. my dad was being a tad unreasonable and i could see the sense of loss on my mum's face as she sat there listening to my aunt trying to talk to my dad. and as i looked into my mum's face, i could see the child in her. the feeling of helplessness when faced with a thing as dreadful as death, or even the prospect of it.
the look on her face reminded me of a photo i have of her when she was younger--around my age. she was a rather beautiful girl for those times and had that look of innocence in her eyes. and that was the very same feeling i got when i looked upon her face today. i had this overwhelming desire to just go up to her, give her a hug and tell her i loved her.
but i didnt.
we went to the car as she was to drop me off. she put on a song for me to listen to. Mama by Il Divo. i was stunned as the lyrics hit me like a sledgehammer.
i love you mum.
P.S sorry if this post is rather weak but i am really really tired at this point of time.
and the world spits on me again
always our pillar of strength, the first people we think of when we get into trouble, we idolise them and expect them to know what to do in practically every situation. no doubt they are senior and have gone through much more than what our limited lifes have offered us but it does not mean that they are impregnable. they have their weak moments too.
this afternoon in the hospice. my mum paid a visit to my dad, whose temper these days is rather unpredictable and volatile. my dad was being a tad unreasonable and i could see the sense of loss on my mum's face as she sat there listening to my aunt trying to talk to my dad. and as i looked into my mum's face, i could see the child in her. the feeling of helplessness when faced with a thing as dreadful as death, or even the prospect of it.
the look on her face reminded me of a photo i have of her when she was younger--around my age. she was a rather beautiful girl for those times and had that look of innocence in her eyes. and that was the very same feeling i got when i looked upon her face today. i had this overwhelming desire to just go up to her, give her a hug and tell her i loved her.
but i didnt.
we went to the car as she was to drop me off. she put on a song for me to listen to. Mama by Il Divo. i was stunned as the lyrics hit me like a sledgehammer.
Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot this first part alone was enough to get tears into my eyes. i know it isnt that touching when u read it like that but put it into context. there i was, struggling with myself to tell her that i loved her. and there she went and played this song. i sat in the car, trying extremely hard to contain my emotions as i wasnt in the habit of expressing myself to her. but as the song went on, my mum herself broke down as she thought of my late grandmother. and it was really at this point that i realised the fragility of her emotional side. i saw my mum as just another kid. a different generation no doubt but nevertheless still a kid at heart. a kid who needed just as much care and concern as all those years ago.i love you mum.
P.S sorry if this post is rather weak but i am really really tired at this point of time.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:25 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:25 PM-
deepavali. deepawali. diwali. whatever its called, and the differences between each, i dont know. and neither do i really care that much. put simply, its the hindu festival of lights. the only time of the year that indians all over the world get to see what each other really looks like, aside from the teeth profile.
ok now we all know that that isnt quite true, and however much we are racist we have to respect their festivals. it is afterall, to commemorate the victory of good over evil, of chinese over in.. .. nah im jus kidding.
deepavali holidays in singapore mean pretty much one thing--indians let loose. as my travels brought me around to town, sentosa, chinatown and parts of bugis, it was as if all the construction sites in singapore had let loose their indian workers. they were like ants. all squeezing and pushing to get up the bus first, yakking away in their seemingly mindless chatter, pushing each another off the tram in sentosa, stinking up the already crowded enough blue line buses and the list just goes on.
what made me reel was THE PLACE. little india. when my bus to bishan went through chinatown at first, a family of indians boarded and plopped themselves infront of me. when they got ready to alight, i was almost screaming for joy (and simultaneously gasping for air) but the nonchalent smirk on my face got wiped off once i saw the horde of black men that gathered to board the bus the moment it reached the stop. lets jus say, the rest is history.
i have nothing against indians.
jus thought i would let u know.
and the world spits on me again
ok now we all know that that isnt quite true, and however much we are racist we have to respect their festivals. it is afterall, to commemorate the victory of good over evil, of chinese over in.. .. nah im jus kidding.
deepavali holidays in singapore mean pretty much one thing--indians let loose. as my travels brought me around to town, sentosa, chinatown and parts of bugis, it was as if all the construction sites in singapore had let loose their indian workers. they were like ants. all squeezing and pushing to get up the bus first, yakking away in their seemingly mindless chatter, pushing each another off the tram in sentosa, stinking up the already crowded enough blue line buses and the list just goes on.
what made me reel was THE PLACE. little india. when my bus to bishan went through chinatown at first, a family of indians boarded and plopped themselves infront of me. when they got ready to alight, i was almost screaming for joy (and simultaneously gasping for air) but the nonchalent smirk on my face got wiped off once i saw the horde of black men that gathered to board the bus the moment it reached the stop. lets jus say, the rest is history.
i have nothing against indians.
jus thought i would let u know.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:38 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:38 AM-
Saturday, October 14, 2006
received the most unexpected gift today. or rather, yesterday(just now). a framed-up jigsaw puzzle of chip and dale. with a message. for my birthday. thx SO MUCH lil piquid. u make my day.
im loving it.
im loving it.
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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:56 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:56 AM-
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
the wonders of life never cease to baffle and amaze. for that matter, death as well. for those of us who have watched World Trade Centre, its clear what the subject at hand is about. or perhaps not. well let me cite another example then.
my biological father. currently in Assisi Hospice. suffering from cancer. he's in such pain that he has lost the will to live on, to look forward to the future. such luxuries are now beyond him. he refuses to eat, in the hope that he will die not from his sickness but from starvation.
it is here that i first paused to wonder. and i realised that i could not even begin to comprehend the magnitude of pain that he must feel to dare to give up on life. to wish for eternal peace. he once told me that he contemplated jumping off the 12th floor of his HDB flat. that was heart-wrenching enough. and now, its even worse. to see him slowly starve himself to death. and not being able to do anything about it for the simple reason that it is his wish.
everyday i wake up to a certain amount of apprehension of what the day would bring. has the night claimed his last breath? or is the fight still going on. each time a family member calls my heart skips a beat. im not prepared. this was not the way i saw things to be. but alas the mysteries of life bring about yet another of their surprises.
which brings me back to the movie. the part where tom (or was it tommy?) got crushed and injured by falling concrete while trying to free Will (one of the main characters). he got injured so badly and was not able to cope with the pain that he took his service revolver and shot himself. the courage. the desperation. the thirst for relief of his pain. which brought me back to my father's long-drawn battle with his illness. i love you dad.
im despondent.
and the world spits on me again
my biological father. currently in Assisi Hospice. suffering from cancer. he's in such pain that he has lost the will to live on, to look forward to the future. such luxuries are now beyond him. he refuses to eat, in the hope that he will die not from his sickness but from starvation.
it is here that i first paused to wonder. and i realised that i could not even begin to comprehend the magnitude of pain that he must feel to dare to give up on life. to wish for eternal peace. he once told me that he contemplated jumping off the 12th floor of his HDB flat. that was heart-wrenching enough. and now, its even worse. to see him slowly starve himself to death. and not being able to do anything about it for the simple reason that it is his wish.
everyday i wake up to a certain amount of apprehension of what the day would bring. has the night claimed his last breath? or is the fight still going on. each time a family member calls my heart skips a beat. im not prepared. this was not the way i saw things to be. but alas the mysteries of life bring about yet another of their surprises.
which brings me back to the movie. the part where tom (or was it tommy?) got crushed and injured by falling concrete while trying to free Will (one of the main characters). he got injured so badly and was not able to cope with the pain that he took his service revolver and shot himself. the courage. the desperation. the thirst for relief of his pain. which brought me back to my father's long-drawn battle with his illness. i love you dad.
im despondent.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:53 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:53 AM-
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIQUID!!!!!!!! =)
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:12 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:12 AM-
Saturday, October 07, 2006
its intriguing. the many different ways one can look at things. the same issue. different viewpoints. all if not most make sense in their own way. it all depends on what your base-line is. one's motivations are of utmost importance in influencing the way that the mind works.
take the simple issue of love for example. or for that matter, relationships. offhand, it would seem as a rather simple concept. i like you, you like me, we get to know each other better, then, i love you, you love me. rubbish. these things are more complicated than just that. there are alot of factors to consider when you want to go ahead and actually barge into the concept and intricacies of what is called love.
feelings must be considered. not only the two involved in the relationship. but how others would think. the way it started-was it controversial? did someone get hurt in the process? the parties involved-is one side unpopular? bad history? the relationship itself-is one side too demanding? too controlling? often seen with others from the oppposite sex? the above are just a few examples of the many ways that people can gossip about a particular relationship.
so just think about it. even if the parties involved are happily in love together, there is a 90% chance that they would fallout over one of the many issues such as those above or perhaps the normal problems that plague the average couple. think about it. people's gossip can definately ruin the pure concept of love.
but why let other people run your life? its your life after all, you say. but face the reality. the chances that either of you will get affected/influenced by what people around you are saying and/or telling you is pretty high. and even if that is not the case, one would be at the very least rather unhappy.
ok im losing my train of thought. brain's getting distracted. oh yes. there we are.
when a breakup occurs, its never anybody's FAULT in particular. everything happened for a reason. feelings fade over time, thats a fact. new and interesting people are constantly appearing in life, thats a fact. no one relationship is perfect, thats a fact. what really matters when a relationship is going sour or even in pieces is what you have learnt from the experience and not to dwell on the "i should have done this" and the "i should not have done that" aspect. since its already gone, why bother wasting your energy torturing yourself. at least you learnt something. you learnt what not to do for next time. how to deal with such a situation the next time it occurs. and for those who say, but he/she was THE ONE!!! i only have one word for you-rubbish. believe it or not, there's no such thing as THE ONE. it wasnt that person that made you feel that he/she was the one. it was what YOU HAD with him/her that made it feel like the one.
and believe me, that and more can easily be found with someone else. but. yes there's always a but this and but that right? but. you have to be willing to let go of your past. let go of the hurt, the pain. do not let it be a burden to your growth. let it be a nutrient instead. only when you are able to let go ( LET GO not FORGET ) of what you shared with your previous flame will you then be able to discover the gems around you and what someone else really has to offer. do not look back at what you once had. look forward to what you CAN have and perhaps more. be daring.
and the world spits on me again
take the simple issue of love for example. or for that matter, relationships. offhand, it would seem as a rather simple concept. i like you, you like me, we get to know each other better, then, i love you, you love me. rubbish. these things are more complicated than just that. there are alot of factors to consider when you want to go ahead and actually barge into the concept and intricacies of what is called love.
feelings must be considered. not only the two involved in the relationship. but how others would think. the way it started-was it controversial? did someone get hurt in the process? the parties involved-is one side unpopular? bad history? the relationship itself-is one side too demanding? too controlling? often seen with others from the oppposite sex? the above are just a few examples of the many ways that people can gossip about a particular relationship.
so just think about it. even if the parties involved are happily in love together, there is a 90% chance that they would fallout over one of the many issues such as those above or perhaps the normal problems that plague the average couple. think about it. people's gossip can definately ruin the pure concept of love.
but why let other people run your life? its your life after all, you say. but face the reality. the chances that either of you will get affected/influenced by what people around you are saying and/or telling you is pretty high. and even if that is not the case, one would be at the very least rather unhappy.
ok im losing my train of thought. brain's getting distracted. oh yes. there we are.
when a breakup occurs, its never anybody's FAULT in particular. everything happened for a reason. feelings fade over time, thats a fact. new and interesting people are constantly appearing in life, thats a fact. no one relationship is perfect, thats a fact. what really matters when a relationship is going sour or even in pieces is what you have learnt from the experience and not to dwell on the "i should have done this" and the "i should not have done that" aspect. since its already gone, why bother wasting your energy torturing yourself. at least you learnt something. you learnt what not to do for next time. how to deal with such a situation the next time it occurs. and for those who say, but he/she was THE ONE!!! i only have one word for you-rubbish. believe it or not, there's no such thing as THE ONE. it wasnt that person that made you feel that he/she was the one. it was what YOU HAD with him/her that made it feel like the one.
and believe me, that and more can easily be found with someone else. but. yes there's always a but this and but that right? but. you have to be willing to let go of your past. let go of the hurt, the pain. do not let it be a burden to your growth. let it be a nutrient instead. only when you are able to let go ( LET GO not FORGET ) of what you shared with your previous flame will you then be able to discover the gems around you and what someone else really has to offer. do not look back at what you once had. look forward to what you CAN have and perhaps more. be daring.
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes.
In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang on to the past is holding you back from a new life.
theres no need to be sorry.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:13 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:13 AM-
Sunday, October 01, 2006
mahjong last night/this morning was scary. started off at a normal pace but as we got into the 3rd game, things started to speed up. by then, i was already down 40 bucks and pple were winning min. 4 tais. we decided to go for a 4th game and luckily i managed to recover the 40 bucks and even win 5 overall. but my god the speed they play. stressful. makes playing with mad and zk seem like a stroll in the park.
will u still be loved tmr? i hope so.
actually i dont.
and the world spits on me again
will u still be loved tmr? i hope so.
actually i dont.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:41 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:41 PM-