Thursday, March 29, 2007
its been 14 years. 10 since it became official. and ever since then, my life has been progressively moving towards what is called "a living hell". it would seem that as time goes by, the depth of that intense emnity grows.
in a sick twist of fate, i was forced to acknowledge you as part of my life. but only because of her. she is happy with you. you are there for her. and most probably will be even til old age. and for that, i put up with it. the unreasonableness. the unfair treatment. the cold treatment. you are there watching me, jus like how a vulture circles its target, waiting for it to slip up before making its move, occasionally diving towards it in the hopes that it would collapse.
in the past few years, what little respect i had for you has diminished--no--disappeared. you are someone not worth the respect due a father. a stepfather to be precise. many would say that an elder is an elder no matter what and has to be respected irregardless. and that kind of sad, pathetic "respect" is what keeps me from blowing up at you.
i have always taken whatever it was you threw at me. from turning off the main power so as to prevent me from staying up late even if it was for work to taping up the heater to the lowest setting so as to prevent me turning up the heat to threatening to do me harm. i took it all.
you dont allow me to take too long to bathe, on the grounds that i am wasting water. fine. you dont allow me to stay up late on the grounds that i am wasting electricity and that whatever work or reading i want to do can be done in the day. fine. you stop me from eating the food that you bought, be it instant noodles to bananas. fine. you proclaim out loud that i am useless around the house and such. fine. you refuse to take pictures that have me in it. thats stupid. you get angry when i call my mother to buy things like milk and bananas before coming home. thats... ... okay... ...
but what i cant stand the most is how im being watched like a criminal. every thing i do at home. my movements. even if it is to the kitchen to get a cup of water. you will come and poke your nose into it. and dont even try to deny this weird behaviour of yours. i have a short video of your freaky behaviour.
the baseline is, i have lost all respect for you whatsoever(except that pathetic bit of it that i mentioned earlier). you just dont deserve it.
i feel sorry for you for leading such a pathetic existence.
and the world spits on me again
in a sick twist of fate, i was forced to acknowledge you as part of my life. but only because of her. she is happy with you. you are there for her. and most probably will be even til old age. and for that, i put up with it. the unreasonableness. the unfair treatment. the cold treatment. you are there watching me, jus like how a vulture circles its target, waiting for it to slip up before making its move, occasionally diving towards it in the hopes that it would collapse.
in the past few years, what little respect i had for you has diminished--no--disappeared. you are someone not worth the respect due a father. a stepfather to be precise. many would say that an elder is an elder no matter what and has to be respected irregardless. and that kind of sad, pathetic "respect" is what keeps me from blowing up at you.
i have always taken whatever it was you threw at me. from turning off the main power so as to prevent me from staying up late even if it was for work to taping up the heater to the lowest setting so as to prevent me turning up the heat to threatening to do me harm. i took it all.
you dont allow me to take too long to bathe, on the grounds that i am wasting water. fine. you dont allow me to stay up late on the grounds that i am wasting electricity and that whatever work or reading i want to do can be done in the day. fine. you stop me from eating the food that you bought, be it instant noodles to bananas. fine. you proclaim out loud that i am useless around the house and such. fine. you refuse to take pictures that have me in it. thats stupid. you get angry when i call my mother to buy things like milk and bananas before coming home. thats... ... okay... ...
but what i cant stand the most is how im being watched like a criminal. every thing i do at home. my movements. even if it is to the kitchen to get a cup of water. you will come and poke your nose into it. and dont even try to deny this weird behaviour of yours. i have a short video of your freaky behaviour.
the baseline is, i have lost all respect for you whatsoever(except that pathetic bit of it that i mentioned earlier). you just dont deserve it.
i feel sorry for you for leading such a pathetic existence.
and the world spits on me again
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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:45 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:45 PM-