Wednesday, October 11, 2006
the wonders of life never cease to baffle and amaze. for that matter, death as well. for those of us who have watched World Trade Centre, its clear what the subject at hand is about. or perhaps not. well let me cite another example then.
my biological father. currently in Assisi Hospice. suffering from cancer. he's in such pain that he has lost the will to live on, to look forward to the future. such luxuries are now beyond him. he refuses to eat, in the hope that he will die not from his sickness but from starvation.
it is here that i first paused to wonder. and i realised that i could not even begin to comprehend the magnitude of pain that he must feel to dare to give up on life. to wish for eternal peace. he once told me that he contemplated jumping off the 12th floor of his HDB flat. that was heart-wrenching enough. and now, its even worse. to see him slowly starve himself to death. and not being able to do anything about it for the simple reason that it is his wish.
everyday i wake up to a certain amount of apprehension of what the day would bring. has the night claimed his last breath? or is the fight still going on. each time a family member calls my heart skips a beat. im not prepared. this was not the way i saw things to be. but alas the mysteries of life bring about yet another of their surprises.
which brings me back to the movie. the part where tom (or was it tommy?) got crushed and injured by falling concrete while trying to free Will (one of the main characters). he got injured so badly and was not able to cope with the pain that he took his service revolver and shot himself. the courage. the desperation. the thirst for relief of his pain. which brought me back to my father's long-drawn battle with his illness. i love you dad.
im despondent.
and the world spits on me again
my biological father. currently in Assisi Hospice. suffering from cancer. he's in such pain that he has lost the will to live on, to look forward to the future. such luxuries are now beyond him. he refuses to eat, in the hope that he will die not from his sickness but from starvation.
it is here that i first paused to wonder. and i realised that i could not even begin to comprehend the magnitude of pain that he must feel to dare to give up on life. to wish for eternal peace. he once told me that he contemplated jumping off the 12th floor of his HDB flat. that was heart-wrenching enough. and now, its even worse. to see him slowly starve himself to death. and not being able to do anything about it for the simple reason that it is his wish.
everyday i wake up to a certain amount of apprehension of what the day would bring. has the night claimed his last breath? or is the fight still going on. each time a family member calls my heart skips a beat. im not prepared. this was not the way i saw things to be. but alas the mysteries of life bring about yet another of their surprises.
which brings me back to the movie. the part where tom (or was it tommy?) got crushed and injured by falling concrete while trying to free Will (one of the main characters). he got injured so badly and was not able to cope with the pain that he took his service revolver and shot himself. the courage. the desperation. the thirst for relief of his pain. which brought me back to my father's long-drawn battle with his illness. i love you dad.
im despondent.
and the world spits on me again
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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:53 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:53 AM-