Wednesday, August 06, 2008
everyone has friends. good friends. best friends. or at least we all like to believe so. but how many of us can actually safely say that we have that special group of people whom we can rely on in times of need?
people band together to seek identification, to get a sense of security and satisfaction knowing that they belong somewhere. but this... "group" is something that is very loosely defined and metamorphs at the slightest provocation.
every few months, social circles are created and destroyed in the same space of time. friendships found and destroyed. some of this is natural. most of it is artificial, held together by the most intricate schemes and sheer cunningness of man. it is a tragedy that people's lives can be such a big, fat lie. perhaps we think too much, perhaps its a test of friendship, perhaps we just arent loyal beings. perhaps pigs could fly. my ass.
have you ever wondered how many of your "friends" are really friends? how many of them would be willing to sacrifice more than 15minutes of their time to help you? quite a handful i would suppose. how about a day? a couple? what about... risk their very lives in a bid to save yours? none, very likely.
in this day and age, where fun and money are valued above the traditional honour and integrity, it is difficult to find true friends. it would take just the slightest quaver in the friendship to spook even the best of friends. the first sign of trouble and most of your friends would have run off faster than forrest gump, looking for their bext beacon of safety and comfort.
but is it supposed to be like that?
perhaps.
and the world spits on me again
people band together to seek identification, to get a sense of security and satisfaction knowing that they belong somewhere. but this... "group" is something that is very loosely defined and metamorphs at the slightest provocation.
every few months, social circles are created and destroyed in the same space of time. friendships found and destroyed. some of this is natural. most of it is artificial, held together by the most intricate schemes and sheer cunningness of man. it is a tragedy that people's lives can be such a big, fat lie. perhaps we think too much, perhaps its a test of friendship, perhaps we just arent loyal beings. perhaps pigs could fly. my ass.
have you ever wondered how many of your "friends" are really friends? how many of them would be willing to sacrifice more than 15minutes of their time to help you? quite a handful i would suppose. how about a day? a couple? what about... risk their very lives in a bid to save yours? none, very likely.
in this day and age, where fun and money are valued above the traditional honour and integrity, it is difficult to find true friends. it would take just the slightest quaver in the friendship to spook even the best of friends. the first sign of trouble and most of your friends would have run off faster than forrest gump, looking for their bext beacon of safety and comfort.
but is it supposed to be like that?
perhaps.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:34 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:34 AM-
Saturday, February 16, 2008
where'd everyone go? why are some mistakes so forgivable and some less serious ones not?
i wonder.
and the world spits on me again
i wonder.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:04 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:04 AM-
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
its been so long since the last post. which wasnt even by me. which is why it was deleted. im pretty sure no one comes here now. i jus need somewhere to put down some words that can express how i feel/felt about certain things and be sure that it will always be available for reading anywhere anytime.
in the past couple of months, things have changed alot. some that are known to all, many that are not. and by this im sure i speak for almost everyone out there. be it in environment or studies or relationships, things are bound to have changed. the difference being in whether u were being controlled or u were in control.
i like to think that im in control of things that are controllable. which is realistically speaking quite impossible. which is also why i try to get involved as little as possible with whichever and whatever. the outcome of this is that i distance myself from alot of things and people so that i do not have to get entangled in the ever-so-often argument or politics as many call it. this i regret, as it has led to a relatively empty life for me. safe but empty. happy? not really.
this desire to protect what i wanted has come at the expense of others' happiness. but its mine or theirs. and its not jus a day or a week or a month. its for years. so. as the chinese saying goes, "ren bu wei ji, tian zhu di mie". i do not deny that the fault lies with me, whether it was making the wrong decision at the start or at the end, but i also do not regret it. the desire for one's own happiness should come first. its a dog eat dog world.
on this note, i totally despise those who are fickle about their stands. everchanging alliances to suit their purposes and moods. one moment ur best friend, the next ur enemy. and in the twinkle of the eye, ur best friend again. if u were hurt, give urself some time to get over it, then pick urself up, learn from it, and shut up. no one likes to hear or see someone wallowing in self-pity. i would know, i was like that before too. and its really quite pathetic, friend or no friend. one moment this, next moment that, next moment this. and all because of one single event that everyone has since long forgotten. so pls. stop disgracing urself.
zzzz.
in the past couple of months, things have changed alot. some that are known to all, many that are not. and by this im sure i speak for almost everyone out there. be it in environment or studies or relationships, things are bound to have changed. the difference being in whether u were being controlled or u were in control.
i like to think that im in control of things that are controllable. which is realistically speaking quite impossible. which is also why i try to get involved as little as possible with whichever and whatever. the outcome of this is that i distance myself from alot of things and people so that i do not have to get entangled in the ever-so-often argument or politics as many call it. this i regret, as it has led to a relatively empty life for me. safe but empty. happy? not really.
this desire to protect what i wanted has come at the expense of others' happiness. but its mine or theirs. and its not jus a day or a week or a month. its for years. so. as the chinese saying goes, "ren bu wei ji, tian zhu di mie". i do not deny that the fault lies with me, whether it was making the wrong decision at the start or at the end, but i also do not regret it. the desire for one's own happiness should come first. its a dog eat dog world.
on this note, i totally despise those who are fickle about their stands. everchanging alliances to suit their purposes and moods. one moment ur best friend, the next ur enemy. and in the twinkle of the eye, ur best friend again. if u were hurt, give urself some time to get over it, then pick urself up, learn from it, and shut up. no one likes to hear or see someone wallowing in self-pity. i would know, i was like that before too. and its really quite pathetic, friend or no friend. one moment this, next moment that, next moment this. and all because of one single event that everyone has since long forgotten. so pls. stop disgracing urself.
zzzz.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:35 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:35 PM-
Saturday, July 14, 2007
if doing sth is that much more important than talking to me, then u can spend the rest of your time doing sth. alone. no one is indispensable. you definitely arent.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:40 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:40 AM-
Friday, July 13, 2007
push my buttons the wrong way and we'll all regret it.
so dont.
so dont.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:54 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:54 PM-
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
i dont know whats happening.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:03 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:03 AM-
Thursday, March 29, 2007
its been 14 years. 10 since it became official. and ever since then, my life has been progressively moving towards what is called "a living hell". it would seem that as time goes by, the depth of that intense emnity grows.
in a sick twist of fate, i was forced to acknowledge you as part of my life. but only because of her. she is happy with you. you are there for her. and most probably will be even til old age. and for that, i put up with it. the unreasonableness. the unfair treatment. the cold treatment. you are there watching me, jus like how a vulture circles its target, waiting for it to slip up before making its move, occasionally diving towards it in the hopes that it would collapse.
in the past few years, what little respect i had for you has diminished--no--disappeared. you are someone not worth the respect due a father. a stepfather to be precise. many would say that an elder is an elder no matter what and has to be respected irregardless. and that kind of sad, pathetic "respect" is what keeps me from blowing up at you.
i have always taken whatever it was you threw at me. from turning off the main power so as to prevent me from staying up late even if it was for work to taping up the heater to the lowest setting so as to prevent me turning up the heat to threatening to do me harm. i took it all.
you dont allow me to take too long to bathe, on the grounds that i am wasting water. fine. you dont allow me to stay up late on the grounds that i am wasting electricity and that whatever work or reading i want to do can be done in the day. fine. you stop me from eating the food that you bought, be it instant noodles to bananas. fine. you proclaim out loud that i am useless around the house and such. fine. you refuse to take pictures that have me in it. thats stupid. you get angry when i call my mother to buy things like milk and bananas before coming home. thats... ... okay... ...
but what i cant stand the most is how im being watched like a criminal. every thing i do at home. my movements. even if it is to the kitchen to get a cup of water. you will come and poke your nose into it. and dont even try to deny this weird behaviour of yours. i have a short video of your freaky behaviour.
the baseline is, i have lost all respect for you whatsoever(except that pathetic bit of it that i mentioned earlier). you just dont deserve it.
i feel sorry for you for leading such a pathetic existence.
and the world spits on me again
in a sick twist of fate, i was forced to acknowledge you as part of my life. but only because of her. she is happy with you. you are there for her. and most probably will be even til old age. and for that, i put up with it. the unreasonableness. the unfair treatment. the cold treatment. you are there watching me, jus like how a vulture circles its target, waiting for it to slip up before making its move, occasionally diving towards it in the hopes that it would collapse.
in the past few years, what little respect i had for you has diminished--no--disappeared. you are someone not worth the respect due a father. a stepfather to be precise. many would say that an elder is an elder no matter what and has to be respected irregardless. and that kind of sad, pathetic "respect" is what keeps me from blowing up at you.
i have always taken whatever it was you threw at me. from turning off the main power so as to prevent me from staying up late even if it was for work to taping up the heater to the lowest setting so as to prevent me turning up the heat to threatening to do me harm. i took it all.
you dont allow me to take too long to bathe, on the grounds that i am wasting water. fine. you dont allow me to stay up late on the grounds that i am wasting electricity and that whatever work or reading i want to do can be done in the day. fine. you stop me from eating the food that you bought, be it instant noodles to bananas. fine. you proclaim out loud that i am useless around the house and such. fine. you refuse to take pictures that have me in it. thats stupid. you get angry when i call my mother to buy things like milk and bananas before coming home. thats... ... okay... ...
but what i cant stand the most is how im being watched like a criminal. every thing i do at home. my movements. even if it is to the kitchen to get a cup of water. you will come and poke your nose into it. and dont even try to deny this weird behaviour of yours. i have a short video of your freaky behaviour.
the baseline is, i have lost all respect for you whatsoever(except that pathetic bit of it that i mentioned earlier). you just dont deserve it.
i feel sorry for you for leading such a pathetic existence.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:45 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:45 PM-
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
it all started on the 21st november 2006.
that graceful silhouette in the red racerback. 'HOT!' was the thought that immediately came to mind.
now, 4 months later, its just a dream come true. i love u baby. :)
that graceful silhouette in the red racerback. 'HOT!' was the thought that immediately came to mind.
now, 4 months later, its just a dream come true. i love u baby. :)
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:48 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:48 PM-
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
people(girls) always like to ask, "why do you love me?"
guys are usually stumped by this question. the most common of answers would be "i love you because i love you. there's no special reason." or "i love you because your smile makes my day, your eyes make me forget all my troubles, and your touch soothes all my pain."
my answer?
i love you because fate brought us together. we were destined for each other and the whole universe conspired to let us meet, to fall in love and to enrich each other's lifes. everything that has occured in our lifes, the decisions we made, the paths we took, were all engineered to deliver us to one another. and for that, i love you.
and the world spits on me again
guys are usually stumped by this question. the most common of answers would be "i love you because i love you. there's no special reason." or "i love you because your smile makes my day, your eyes make me forget all my troubles, and your touch soothes all my pain."
my answer?
i love you because fate brought us together. we were destined for each other and the whole universe conspired to let us meet, to fall in love and to enrich each other's lifes. everything that has occured in our lifes, the decisions we made, the paths we took, were all engineered to deliver us to one another. and for that, i love you.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:36 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:36 PM-
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
to know or not to know. that is the question. too often, our curiousity makes us ask questions about anything and everything. we want to satisfy that curiousity. we hate to be kept in the dark. we want to know everything there is to know about the people around us. especially our loved ones. but where do we draw the line between knowing just enough and too much?
not everything is a must-know. some things are better left unsaid and we know that. but we ask anyway, thinking that we can deal with the answers. but can we really? does it not hurt to know some things? the pain of reality. the sourness of truth. it just leaves that bitter aftertaste in one's mouth.
dont be in too big a hurry to seek the answers. some stones are really better left unturned. be sure you can handle the magnitude of the possible answers before dropping the stone into the pond. or the waves that come after might be too overwhelming for you.
im sorry i asked.
and the world spits on me again
not everything is a must-know. some things are better left unsaid and we know that. but we ask anyway, thinking that we can deal with the answers. but can we really? does it not hurt to know some things? the pain of reality. the sourness of truth. it just leaves that bitter aftertaste in one's mouth.
dont be in too big a hurry to seek the answers. some stones are really better left unturned. be sure you can handle the magnitude of the possible answers before dropping the stone into the pond. or the waves that come after might be too overwhelming for you.
im sorry i asked.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:19 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:19 AM-
Sunday, March 04, 2007
pain. the sensation of distress we all get when we meet with a problem that causes us a certain amount of damage. its uncomfortable. we all dont like to feel pain. but would you rather not? not a good idea.
pain is the feedback response that your body gives you when something hurts. without it, you would just go on hurting yourself. without pain, you cant feel the searing heat of a kettle and just burn yourself. true, it would be painless but the damage is done nonetheless.
and it aint just physically. emotional pain is a good thing too. it lets you know that things arent right. something is causing distress. and then you can begin looking for the source of that pain and try to remedy it. with this pain, we are thus able to get what we want. to actually KNOW what we want. or rather, what we DO NOT want.
therefore. dont blame the pain. dont blame the source of the pain. just be glad that you felt it. and you now know what you do not want.
on the other side of the coin, the pain also allows you to feel how others would feel if the same were to be done to them. and knowing the unpleasant consequences of those actions, you can now better control how you behave to not inflict that pain on others. and as they say, what goes around comes around. so its all good.
cheerios.
and the world spits on me again
pain is the feedback response that your body gives you when something hurts. without it, you would just go on hurting yourself. without pain, you cant feel the searing heat of a kettle and just burn yourself. true, it would be painless but the damage is done nonetheless.
and it aint just physically. emotional pain is a good thing too. it lets you know that things arent right. something is causing distress. and then you can begin looking for the source of that pain and try to remedy it. with this pain, we are thus able to get what we want. to actually KNOW what we want. or rather, what we DO NOT want.
therefore. dont blame the pain. dont blame the source of the pain. just be glad that you felt it. and you now know what you do not want.
on the other side of the coin, the pain also allows you to feel how others would feel if the same were to be done to them. and knowing the unpleasant consequences of those actions, you can now better control how you behave to not inflict that pain on others. and as they say, what goes around comes around. so its all good.
cheerios.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:40 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:40 PM-
Friday, March 02, 2007
"She's got my McDreamy. And my McDog. She's got my McLife."
i love meredith grey. she's oh-so-cute.
i love meredith grey. she's oh-so-cute.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:28 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:28 PM-
Monday, February 19, 2007
this is for all you people out there who say that you could not move while waking up in the middle of the night last night and wonder why. or perhaps you think it was a ghost?
im tired of explaining over and over again to the many people who i hear getting all excited or spooked by their "supernatural encounter" so here it is. this is a summary of what i can remember. for more explanation, just google it.
when we sleep, there are certain periods of our sleep referred to as R.E.M.-Rapid Eye Movement. during this period, we have bodily activity as per normal i.e. same as when we are awake. brain activity is high, breathing and heart rates irregular. during R.E.M., we are thought to be having dreams-dreams that we can remember the clearest.
now here is the thing that led me to search on this topic. does anyone of you ever wonder why in spite of the dreams we have, no matter how realistic, we do not move? or perhaps you're intrigued by the "falling off bed" or the "kicking suddenly" feeling? well. this is due to the fact that the brain secretes hormones to prevent us from acting out our dreams. (otherwise, imagine you dreamt that you walked to your window and jumped.)
as with all other things, nothing is perfect and so is this process. therefore, some of us end up not having enough of this hormone that disables our motor movement and thus we find ourselves doing things like kicking the air or perhaps wetting the bed while dreaming that we were answering a call of nature..
vice versa, if the effects of the hormone do not wear off fast enough, we could wake up feeling paralysed. sleep paralysis, as it is called, is the partial or full paralysis of the body. most people report it to be in the chest area and even have difficulty breathing. thus it may feel like someone or something is placing an extreme amount of pressure on one's chest.
the fact that hallucinations occur together with the sleep paralysis does not help and thus a result of it all is the countless stories of ghosts or supernatural forces "attacking", some even furnished with vivid descriptions of the ghost's features. how interesting, eh?
well. as a sidenote, it would interest you that the word nightmare is derived from the effects of sleep paralysis. thought that nightmare meant "a bad dream"? well, you're wrong. the word "mare" is derived from the word "mara" from Scandinavian mythology. mara was thought to be a female wraith that caused nightmares(with the ability to cause sleep paralysis).
there we go. =)
im tired of explaining over and over again to the many people who i hear getting all excited or spooked by their "supernatural encounter" so here it is. this is a summary of what i can remember. for more explanation, just google it.
when we sleep, there are certain periods of our sleep referred to as R.E.M.-Rapid Eye Movement. during this period, we have bodily activity as per normal i.e. same as when we are awake. brain activity is high, breathing and heart rates irregular. during R.E.M., we are thought to be having dreams-dreams that we can remember the clearest.
now here is the thing that led me to search on this topic. does anyone of you ever wonder why in spite of the dreams we have, no matter how realistic, we do not move? or perhaps you're intrigued by the "falling off bed" or the "kicking suddenly" feeling? well. this is due to the fact that the brain secretes hormones to prevent us from acting out our dreams. (otherwise, imagine you dreamt that you walked to your window and jumped.)
as with all other things, nothing is perfect and so is this process. therefore, some of us end up not having enough of this hormone that disables our motor movement and thus we find ourselves doing things like kicking the air or perhaps wetting the bed while dreaming that we were answering a call of nature..
vice versa, if the effects of the hormone do not wear off fast enough, we could wake up feeling paralysed. sleep paralysis, as it is called, is the partial or full paralysis of the body. most people report it to be in the chest area and even have difficulty breathing. thus it may feel like someone or something is placing an extreme amount of pressure on one's chest.
the fact that hallucinations occur together with the sleep paralysis does not help and thus a result of it all is the countless stories of ghosts or supernatural forces "attacking", some even furnished with vivid descriptions of the ghost's features. how interesting, eh?
well. as a sidenote, it would interest you that the word nightmare is derived from the effects of sleep paralysis. thought that nightmare meant "a bad dream"? well, you're wrong. the word "mare" is derived from the word "mara" from Scandinavian mythology. mara was thought to be a female wraith that caused nightmares(with the ability to cause sleep paralysis).
there we go. =)
Labels: nightmare, rapid eye movement, sleep paralysis
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:05 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:05 AM-
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:49 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:49 AM-
Monday, January 29, 2007
i've always asked questions. why. how. what. i wanted to know the problem. the cause. the effects. the way to solve it. to prevent it. i felt that this was the way to go in terms of handling the unknown.
once, when i made a mistake and was trying to find out what exaactly went wrong by asking, someone who was very important to me told me that there was no point. just live with it, she said. its already done. nothing you do can solve it. so what if you know what went wrong? just know what you did was wrong and work from there.
like, seriously? you think thats the way to go? i mean. ok i accepted what was said at that point but now. now it just seems all wrong.
i want to know what's wrong if anything. it seems nosey but how better to treat an illness than to know what illness it is? live and let live, they say. show tolerance. makes you a better person. but as we all know, there's a limit to everything. and the fact that the people and/or things that you 'let live' affects the way you 'live' does not help. the fact that people leave or even hate you just for the way you 'live' would and should make you want to change the way that you 'live'.
so. if there's a problem. solve it. if you dont know how to, ask. if you dont understand, ask. dont just 'forget it'.
although the angry girlfriend would expect you to know.
yes. seriously.
and the world spits on me again
once, when i made a mistake and was trying to find out what exaactly went wrong by asking, someone who was very important to me told me that there was no point. just live with it, she said. its already done. nothing you do can solve it. so what if you know what went wrong? just know what you did was wrong and work from there.
like, seriously? you think thats the way to go? i mean. ok i accepted what was said at that point but now. now it just seems all wrong.
i want to know what's wrong if anything. it seems nosey but how better to treat an illness than to know what illness it is? live and let live, they say. show tolerance. makes you a better person. but as we all know, there's a limit to everything. and the fact that the people and/or things that you 'let live' affects the way you 'live' does not help. the fact that people leave or even hate you just for the way you 'live' would and should make you want to change the way that you 'live'.
so. if there's a problem. solve it. if you dont know how to, ask. if you dont understand, ask. dont just 'forget it'.
although the angry girlfriend would expect you to know.
yes. seriously.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:41 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:41 PM-
Friday, January 05, 2007
i miss my dad.
and the world spits on me again
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:21 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:21 AM-
Sunday, December 31, 2006
the last day of the year 2006. time to reflect on the year. think back on the year's achievements and/or what you have failed in. why did you manage to succeed? why did you fail? take these lessons into mind and move into the new year with confidence and a renewed sense of pride.
if not. just follow what 90% of people will be doing and go out and party the night away! get pissed drunk and laugh your way into the new year!
Happy New Year!
hope you didnt fall sick, eh piquid? :p
and the world spits on me again
if not. just follow what 90% of people will be doing and go out and party the night away! get pissed drunk and laugh your way into the new year!
Happy New Year!
hope you didnt fall sick, eh piquid? :p
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:59 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:59 AM-
Sunday, December 24, 2006
a special dedication on this xmas eve day to the latest anon on the tagboard who somehow sees it as his/her duty to try and censor what is written and posted on this blog. it would seem that posts regarding issues like fate and letting things be and what not somehow does not go down well with our mysterious guest. so dear anon. what is it that you wish to see on one's blog? lets try, shall we?
ahem.
yesterday was a special day! woke up early to go for a casting at sin ming at 12noon. then went to suntec to find nat. dam crowded can! then that stupid debbie say dont feel like coming out then in the end make me wait til 3+ then she appear. shopped around for her sister's present which we found at topshop. then.. .. ..
so dear anon. is that an example of what you expect to see the next time you click the link to this blog? if thats your preferred style and really what you're interested in, then its with much regret that i have to inform you that 1stly, i have no intention of sharing with you, or anyone for that matter, the way my day went and what i bought and whathaveyou. 2ndly, regardless of what you say, the posts here are just reflections brought about by being "emo" and are the outcome of what you get when you see people breaking up due to various reasons and then wondering what went wrong. im just attempting to explain the way things work in my own way.
not happy? dont bother tagging then. just observe silently or dont even bother coming back. for it will always be this way.
and the world spits on me again
ahem.
yesterday was a special day! woke up early to go for a casting at sin ming at 12noon. then went to suntec to find nat. dam crowded can! then that stupid debbie say dont feel like coming out then in the end make me wait til 3+ then she appear. shopped around for her sister's present which we found at topshop. then.. .. ..
so dear anon. is that an example of what you expect to see the next time you click the link to this blog? if thats your preferred style and really what you're interested in, then its with much regret that i have to inform you that 1stly, i have no intention of sharing with you, or anyone for that matter, the way my day went and what i bought and whathaveyou. 2ndly, regardless of what you say, the posts here are just reflections brought about by being "emo" and are the outcome of what you get when you see people breaking up due to various reasons and then wondering what went wrong. im just attempting to explain the way things work in my own way.
not happy? dont bother tagging then. just observe silently or dont even bother coming back. for it will always be this way.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:17 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:17 AM-
Thursday, December 21, 2006
we all know how it is that there's a "honey-moon" period to every relationship. and this comes about due to the fact that this "state" has been something that was desired by either if not both parties.
given the nature of how most relationships start and develop, it is the norm to have the guy taking most of the initiative. the wooing. the sweet-talking. the dating. the romantic dates. and all this for the sole purpose of winning his fair maiden's heart. for those few months, his sole purpose could revolve around that lady. every little action that he does. the decisions that he makes. each breath he takes, it has to do with the girl of his dreams. the object of his burning desire. this is what people call The Chase.
it is said that guys' affection only lasts as long as the chase+a few months. thereafter he moves on and looks to another girl. it is probably true but this is just the way that human beings function.
life is interesting only because there are goals. desires to be fulfilled. ambitions to be achieved. and when it is achieved, suddenly there is a loss to meaning in life. everything just seems to be dull and uninteresting. girls do not scoff. you do this too. in other forms if not this. its just the way the human mind works.
so is it better to just have great ambitions and desires rather than to actually achieve them? what will you find at the end of the road after you have achieved what you wanted? would you want more? would you want something else? would it ever end? where will your happiness be if you are always on the move for something new? would it necessarily be better?
perhaps.
and the world spits on me again
given the nature of how most relationships start and develop, it is the norm to have the guy taking most of the initiative. the wooing. the sweet-talking. the dating. the romantic dates. and all this for the sole purpose of winning his fair maiden's heart. for those few months, his sole purpose could revolve around that lady. every little action that he does. the decisions that he makes. each breath he takes, it has to do with the girl of his dreams. the object of his burning desire. this is what people call The Chase.
it is said that guys' affection only lasts as long as the chase+a few months. thereafter he moves on and looks to another girl. it is probably true but this is just the way that human beings function.
life is interesting only because there are goals. desires to be fulfilled. ambitions to be achieved. and when it is achieved, suddenly there is a loss to meaning in life. everything just seems to be dull and uninteresting. girls do not scoff. you do this too. in other forms if not this. its just the way the human mind works.
so is it better to just have great ambitions and desires rather than to actually achieve them? what will you find at the end of the road after you have achieved what you wanted? would you want more? would you want something else? would it ever end? where will your happiness be if you are always on the move for something new? would it necessarily be better?
perhaps.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:03 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:03 PM-
Monday, December 18, 2006
to feel for someone and to actually strive to make that someone happy. to build a mutual understanding. to make dreams come true. where have all these instincts run off to? something was lost in the last emotional disaster that occurred.
in fact. more than just something. a whole part of life was taken and buried deep in some mystical abyss of hatred and darkness, just waiting to be dug out and its true glory uncovered once again. numerous attempts to reach it have failed and yet the attempts continue.
anger and pain aside, the yearning to feel the same way all those months and years ago struggles to break through and resurface.
what was it like to love? what was it like to feel for a person and take pleasure in just that person's happiness or even his/her mere appearance? what was it like to make passes? to dangerously flirt with the possibility that it might all work out?
no it has not been forgotten. vague though it is, it is still remembered. and the feeling thoroughly savoured. the desire burns. the heart was weak. but not anymore. not if the possibility of happiness hangs loose on the balance.
My Affection. Steadfast. Authentic.
i wish upon the rain.
and the world spits on me again
in fact. more than just something. a whole part of life was taken and buried deep in some mystical abyss of hatred and darkness, just waiting to be dug out and its true glory uncovered once again. numerous attempts to reach it have failed and yet the attempts continue.
anger and pain aside, the yearning to feel the same way all those months and years ago struggles to break through and resurface.
what was it like to love? what was it like to feel for a person and take pleasure in just that person's happiness or even his/her mere appearance? what was it like to make passes? to dangerously flirt with the possibility that it might all work out?
no it has not been forgotten. vague though it is, it is still remembered. and the feeling thoroughly savoured. the desire burns. the heart was weak. but not anymore. not if the possibility of happiness hangs loose on the balance.
My Affection. Steadfast. Authentic.
i wish upon the rain.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-6:24 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-6:24 PM-
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
giving up. the sign that there is lost of hope. that it is beyond what can be done. a sign of weakness. of giving into pressures easily. but is it really?
look at it from an objective point of view. its undeniable that to give up, or rather, to let go of certain issues in life may very well be seen as a weakness on that individual's part. but it has to be understood that it also takes immense courage and much thinking to actually admit that one has reached that stage of despair.
to find the courage to let go of past experiences and hurts would grant you access to a whole new chapter in life. it effectively wraps up on the ugly past and presents fresh pages for your life's story to be continued.
move on if you think its time. dont get stuck in that same chapter and refuse to move on even though you know its time.
dont be afraid. it wont be a dull day.
and the world spits on me again
look at it from an objective point of view. its undeniable that to give up, or rather, to let go of certain issues in life may very well be seen as a weakness on that individual's part. but it has to be understood that it also takes immense courage and much thinking to actually admit that one has reached that stage of despair.
to find the courage to let go of past experiences and hurts would grant you access to a whole new chapter in life. it effectively wraps up on the ugly past and presents fresh pages for your life's story to be continued.
move on if you think its time. dont get stuck in that same chapter and refuse to move on even though you know its time.
dont be afraid. it wont be a dull day.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:26 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:26 PM-
Sunday, November 26, 2006
letting go. hard as it seems, we all have to learn to do so. nothing could possibly be gained from holding onto sad memories. failures, heartbreak. we all experience either if not both of these situations from time to time. over the years, such experiences would amalgamate into a huge mine of memories and emotions. and if not handled properly, life thereafter could very well be affected.
ever since the bad breakup in jan earlier this year, it has been difficult to swallow another love-pill. fear is abound. comparisons are made, calculations performed. despite having very good feelings for those people, the fear that it would not be as good as what was once a very happy relationship kept me bound to the "single" shelf, and perhaps breaking a couple of hearts along the way.
its not that there isnt anyone whom is better. its that they arent available or that things just dont work out. and when things dont work out, a vicious cycle begins. self-belief is thrown into the pits. depression sinks in. irritability. people get pissed. more irritability. and on it goes. and this is how it has been. on and off, on and off. never able to escape from that position, a mental war ensues. a fight between the present and the past.
then. yesterday. a friend said: "i wont n i dont know if it'll ever be as good. but if u dont try, u wont know. if u think its right, just try. or u might regret."
thinking about it for the better part of the night and most part of the morning, a conclusion was arrived at. it doesnt make sense to pull down the present along with the outcome of the past. as they say, let bygones be bygones. forgive but dont forget. forgive the person who hurt you. forgive yourself for hurting others. forgive those who hurt your loved ones. but never forget. let go of the hatred. but remember the pain and take it as a lesson learnt. dont let your sad experiences go to waste. make sure something is gained from it.
be bold. let go of your past.
dull?
and the world spits on me again
ever since the bad breakup in jan earlier this year, it has been difficult to swallow another love-pill. fear is abound. comparisons are made, calculations performed. despite having very good feelings for those people, the fear that it would not be as good as what was once a very happy relationship kept me bound to the "single" shelf, and perhaps breaking a couple of hearts along the way.
its not that there isnt anyone whom is better. its that they arent available or that things just dont work out. and when things dont work out, a vicious cycle begins. self-belief is thrown into the pits. depression sinks in. irritability. people get pissed. more irritability. and on it goes. and this is how it has been. on and off, on and off. never able to escape from that position, a mental war ensues. a fight between the present and the past.
then. yesterday. a friend said: "i wont n i dont know if it'll ever be as good. but if u dont try, u wont know. if u think its right, just try. or u might regret."
thinking about it for the better part of the night and most part of the morning, a conclusion was arrived at. it doesnt make sense to pull down the present along with the outcome of the past. as they say, let bygones be bygones. forgive but dont forget. forgive the person who hurt you. forgive yourself for hurting others. forgive those who hurt your loved ones. but never forget. let go of the hatred. but remember the pain and take it as a lesson learnt. dont let your sad experiences go to waste. make sure something is gained from it.
be bold. let go of your past.
dull?
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:18 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:18 PM-
Friday, November 24, 2006
fate. the simple belief that what is meant to happen will happen. it results in people having destinies. the path that they were called upon to walk. the burdens that they were meant to carry. one's destiny is fixed. what is meant to happen will happen.
rubbish. hogwash. baloney. balderdash. the concept of fate is purely a theory thought up to put the weak at ease. it allows those who are unable to attain what they truly want to have a sense of ease that something better will come along.
its true that that is a good way of thinking and one would have a lot less worries and frustrations to deal with. but why let your dreams and desires float past you? just because the currents of life did not deliver your boat of yearnings to you, does that mean you merely stand on the shore and wait for the next boat to come along, hoping that it runs right up to your feet before you take action? why not take the chance and swim out to catch that boat?
its all fated. thats what they all say. when someone fails to achieve what he wants, that dictum hangs by the corner of the mouth. and so is it when he achieves it. its all fated. there's no need to fight for what we want.
true, some of us hold the believe that there's a limit to fighting for what you want, just like there's a limit to how far one can swim. but hey. you will never know your limit until you push yourself to try. no matter how hard it is.
to get something that you have never gotten, you have to do something that you have never done before. that is the way life works.
screw fate. screw morals. just try your best to keep yourself happy. selfish thoughts. but hey, we only get one shot at life. make the best out of it.
it aint fated.
its still a dull day.
and the world spits on me again
rubbish. hogwash. baloney. balderdash. the concept of fate is purely a theory thought up to put the weak at ease. it allows those who are unable to attain what they truly want to have a sense of ease that something better will come along.
its true that that is a good way of thinking and one would have a lot less worries and frustrations to deal with. but why let your dreams and desires float past you? just because the currents of life did not deliver your boat of yearnings to you, does that mean you merely stand on the shore and wait for the next boat to come along, hoping that it runs right up to your feet before you take action? why not take the chance and swim out to catch that boat?
its all fated. thats what they all say. when someone fails to achieve what he wants, that dictum hangs by the corner of the mouth. and so is it when he achieves it. its all fated. there's no need to fight for what we want.
true, some of us hold the believe that there's a limit to fighting for what you want, just like there's a limit to how far one can swim. but hey. you will never know your limit until you push yourself to try. no matter how hard it is.
to get something that you have never gotten, you have to do something that you have never done before. that is the way life works.
screw fate. screw morals. just try your best to keep yourself happy. selfish thoughts. but hey, we only get one shot at life. make the best out of it.
it aint fated.
its still a dull day.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:07 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:07 PM-
Monday, November 20, 2006
friendship. the biggest and most extensive ship ever built. it sails the world, bringing people of different backgrounds together in a massive network. yet, it could very well be one of the most fragile and easily sinkable kind of ship. that would depend entirely on the individual.
most people are on the same boat, but there are some jokers who like to sail on their own. they try to be captains of their own lives, and fully control who they let on their ship. they decide who their life consists of. these people perhaps do not fully understand and comprehend the depth with which the concept of friendship operates in.
and then there are those who jump ship without giving the consequences a second thought. these people switch alliances as readily as a hungry puppy laps up its milk. it is true perhaps that this is a common thing that happens in life--switching of cliques--but if it happens at the snap of one's fingers, then dont you think it aint all that good..?
now, there are those who would push others off the ship. or at least try to. this is what makes the whole concept of friendship so fragile. internal rivalry. jealousy. greed. love.
vague post i know. shallow in depth even. but i dont want to think no more. i dont want to identify and analyse the ugliness within each and every one of us.
jus think about what you are doing. even if it is a dull day.
and the world spits on me again
most people are on the same boat, but there are some jokers who like to sail on their own. they try to be captains of their own lives, and fully control who they let on their ship. they decide who their life consists of. these people perhaps do not fully understand and comprehend the depth with which the concept of friendship operates in.
and then there are those who jump ship without giving the consequences a second thought. these people switch alliances as readily as a hungry puppy laps up its milk. it is true perhaps that this is a common thing that happens in life--switching of cliques--but if it happens at the snap of one's fingers, then dont you think it aint all that good..?
now, there are those who would push others off the ship. or at least try to. this is what makes the whole concept of friendship so fragile. internal rivalry. jealousy. greed. love.
vague post i know. shallow in depth even. but i dont want to think no more. i dont want to identify and analyse the ugliness within each and every one of us.
jus think about what you are doing. even if it is a dull day.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:10 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:10 PM-
Sunday, November 12, 2006
esp isit wrong to like someone?
a type of feeling humans cant control?
i certainly disagree to it.
feelings can control.
it just depends on yrself.
got the above from nat's blog. asked the question "what is wrong with liking some1 who is attached?" answer was "it was never right.. .. loving her was a sin"
the thing is. feelings are uncontrollable. its the outcomes of those feelings that are. you feel angry. hungry. emo. loved. all these are feelings that just occur. they happen and register within you without a second thought. there's nothing wrong in feeling a certain way. its jus natural to feel. but. if you feel angry and punch your antagoniser, then its wrong. if you feel hungry and steal food, then its wrong. if you feel emo and ignore your loved ones, it aint wrong but it sure is gonna hurt some1. if you feel loved or loving for that matter, and go wreck some1's relationship, then thats wrong.
so get it right. feelings ARE uncontrollable. if u feel some way then you feel some way. nothing anyone or anything can do about it.
confused. angry.
and the world spits on me again
a type of feeling humans cant control?
i certainly disagree to it.
feelings can control.
it just depends on yrself.
got the above from nat's blog. asked the question "what is wrong with liking some1 who is attached?" answer was "it was never right.. .. loving her was a sin"
the thing is. feelings are uncontrollable. its the outcomes of those feelings that are. you feel angry. hungry. emo. loved. all these are feelings that just occur. they happen and register within you without a second thought. there's nothing wrong in feeling a certain way. its jus natural to feel. but. if you feel angry and punch your antagoniser, then its wrong. if you feel hungry and steal food, then its wrong. if you feel emo and ignore your loved ones, it aint wrong but it sure is gonna hurt some1. if you feel loved or loving for that matter, and go wreck some1's relationship, then thats wrong.
so get it right. feelings ARE uncontrollable. if u feel some way then you feel some way. nothing anyone or anything can do about it.
confused. angry.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:30 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:30 AM-
Saturday, November 11, 2006
secrets. trust. gossip. lost of that trust. aware of it or not, people just cant seem to keep secrets. some purely fail to phantom the consequences of their actions. some jus cant be bothered. and there are those who manipulate the trust put in them to their own benefit.
there have been too many cases of misplaced trust recently. people-friends or not-are scary. they blabber like no one's business. as mentioned, they may not know the consequences. but thats exactly what makes them scary. which is y the best policy sometimes is just to keep quiet.
shut the hell up.
who are your friends? what is the definition of friends? merely people who are willing to talk to you? to humour you when you are bored? do you have any true friends out there? someone who would protect you and be there for you no matter what? someone who truly understands you and what you want? ah! the fickleness in which friendship encases itself in. or perhaps the right people have yet to show themselves. then again, they could be staring you in the eye just that it hasnt been noticed.
moving on to relationships. matters of the heart. who's to say who's right and who's wrong? who's to say you can do this and you can't do that? conforming to peer pressure. thats the easy way out. ether you listen or you're out. why dont people ever choose out? is it that fearsome? or is it a matter of pride?
put the pride down for what you want. drop the act. show it. only then can it be judged if you are worthy of it.
i doubt i am.
and the world spits on me again
there have been too many cases of misplaced trust recently. people-friends or not-are scary. they blabber like no one's business. as mentioned, they may not know the consequences. but thats exactly what makes them scary. which is y the best policy sometimes is just to keep quiet.
shut the hell up.
who are your friends? what is the definition of friends? merely people who are willing to talk to you? to humour you when you are bored? do you have any true friends out there? someone who would protect you and be there for you no matter what? someone who truly understands you and what you want? ah! the fickleness in which friendship encases itself in. or perhaps the right people have yet to show themselves. then again, they could be staring you in the eye just that it hasnt been noticed.
moving on to relationships. matters of the heart. who's to say who's right and who's wrong? who's to say you can do this and you can't do that? conforming to peer pressure. thats the easy way out. ether you listen or you're out. why dont people ever choose out? is it that fearsome? or is it a matter of pride?
put the pride down for what you want. drop the act. show it. only then can it be judged if you are worthy of it.
i doubt i am.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:09 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:09 PM-
Thursday, November 09, 2006
its difficult to handle relations. not relationships mind you. just relations. people are complicated creatures. in what they want, what they do and what they feel. its baffling.
choices have to be made and sometimes these choices are rather unfair. sometimes people are forced to make choices in certain circumstances. it could be to choose between two pieces of clothing. two handphone models. two people. basically, two (or more) different alternatives. and the choices that they make obviously expresses their preferences.
from another perspective, if you were one of these choices, how would you feel? being the one that is going to get possibly thrown aside for another person/thing.
i cant think any further.
its f-ed up.
but ur my someone for now. you are what i want.
and the world spits on me again
choices have to be made and sometimes these choices are rather unfair. sometimes people are forced to make choices in certain circumstances. it could be to choose between two pieces of clothing. two handphone models. two people. basically, two (or more) different alternatives. and the choices that they make obviously expresses their preferences.
from another perspective, if you were one of these choices, how would you feel? being the one that is going to get possibly thrown aside for another person/thing.
i cant think any further.
its f-ed up.
but ur my someone for now. you are what i want.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:31 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:31 AM-
Sunday, November 05, 2006
the ugly side of humans. the second face. the hidden secrets. the unknown desires. these hold a terrible power. and this power, when unleashed, will wreak havoc upon the intricate relationships that bind people together.
friendships are made and broken. desires are fulfilled. dreams are crushed. secrets are revealed. the ugly monster is let loose. God have mercy on the unsuspecting victims of this massacre.
is it worth it? whats gonna happen next?
i wonder.
and the world spits on me again
friendships are made and broken. desires are fulfilled. dreams are crushed. secrets are revealed. the ugly monster is let loose. God have mercy on the unsuspecting victims of this massacre.
is it worth it? whats gonna happen next?
i wonder.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:27 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:27 AM-
Saturday, November 04, 2006
many things are happening. meeting new people day after day. having fun day after day.
but will what i want to happen happen? will it come true? will i find what i want to find?
tell me. show me.
and the world spits on me again
but will what i want to happen happen? will it come true? will i find what i want to find?
tell me. show me.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:07 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:07 AM-
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
third parties. the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. that other girl. or guy. that bitch. bastard. that heartless creature who broke up a happy relationship. mean people they are. but is it really their fault?
blaming that 'third party' does no one any good. for one, its hardly that person's fault. all right he or she might have known that your beloved was attached to you. but feelings are boundary-less. uncontainable. unstoppable. uncontrollable. he/she could have liked your other half til there was no end. but ultimately, the choice of whether you stay in the picture lies in your beloved's hands. if you get booted, then hey. feelings between you two werent that strong after all.
think about it. the mere fact that your other half actually strayed from you is proof enough that something is going wrong. and unless you can reel him/her back in to you, its pointless getting so heart-wrenched over it. if it works out between you two, then fine the relationship gets stronger. but if it doesnt, jus walk out of it.
but. for those of you out there who find yourselves dropping in as third parties. this does not mean that you go all out to spoil things between the two lovebirds. there is a line that has to be drawn so that you do not find yourself getting cursed and scolded. jus be there as a friend or perhaps slightly closer. do not fall into anything with your 'target'. do not get into any commitments. do not get physical. in essence, do not give him/her a reason to break up. as in. do not be the reason they break. let it be something that would have happened even without your presence and not cos you are more of a looker or a better kisser or what-have-you.
i know what it feels like to be dumped by a loved one for another guy. but i learnt to get over it. and i came up with my own 'rules' for being that other guy.
the game of love. i hate it sometimes.
and the world spits on me again
blaming that 'third party' does no one any good. for one, its hardly that person's fault. all right he or she might have known that your beloved was attached to you. but feelings are boundary-less. uncontainable. unstoppable. uncontrollable. he/she could have liked your other half til there was no end. but ultimately, the choice of whether you stay in the picture lies in your beloved's hands. if you get booted, then hey. feelings between you two werent that strong after all.
think about it. the mere fact that your other half actually strayed from you is proof enough that something is going wrong. and unless you can reel him/her back in to you, its pointless getting so heart-wrenched over it. if it works out between you two, then fine the relationship gets stronger. but if it doesnt, jus walk out of it.
but. for those of you out there who find yourselves dropping in as third parties. this does not mean that you go all out to spoil things between the two lovebirds. there is a line that has to be drawn so that you do not find yourself getting cursed and scolded. jus be there as a friend or perhaps slightly closer. do not fall into anything with your 'target'. do not get into any commitments. do not get physical. in essence, do not give him/her a reason to break up. as in. do not be the reason they break. let it be something that would have happened even without your presence and not cos you are more of a looker or a better kisser or what-have-you.
i know what it feels like to be dumped by a loved one for another guy. but i learnt to get over it. and i came up with my own 'rules' for being that other guy.
the game of love. i hate it sometimes.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:31 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:31 PM-
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
restrained. lack of freedom. controlled. these are but a few of the many complaints that the average teenager would have against their parents. but the trend is to obey the elders and do as told, albeit with much reluctance and unhappiness. no matter how angry we are and how unfair we feel a certain situation is, instructions are usually obeyed. this phenomenon could probably be explained by the fact that we all look up to our parents to a certain extent.
always our pillar of strength, the first people we think of when we get into trouble, we idolise them and expect them to know what to do in practically every situation. no doubt they are senior and have gone through much more than what our limited lifes have offered us but it does not mean that they are impregnable. they have their weak moments too.
this afternoon in the hospice. my mum paid a visit to my dad, whose temper these days is rather unpredictable and volatile. my dad was being a tad unreasonable and i could see the sense of loss on my mum's face as she sat there listening to my aunt trying to talk to my dad. and as i looked into my mum's face, i could see the child in her. the feeling of helplessness when faced with a thing as dreadful as death, or even the prospect of it.
the look on her face reminded me of a photo i have of her when she was younger--around my age. she was a rather beautiful girl for those times and had that look of innocence in her eyes. and that was the very same feeling i got when i looked upon her face today. i had this overwhelming desire to just go up to her, give her a hug and tell her i loved her.
but i didnt.
we went to the car as she was to drop me off. she put on a song for me to listen to. Mama by Il Divo. i was stunned as the lyrics hit me like a sledgehammer.
i love you mum.
P.S sorry if this post is rather weak but i am really really tired at this point of time.
and the world spits on me again
always our pillar of strength, the first people we think of when we get into trouble, we idolise them and expect them to know what to do in practically every situation. no doubt they are senior and have gone through much more than what our limited lifes have offered us but it does not mean that they are impregnable. they have their weak moments too.
this afternoon in the hospice. my mum paid a visit to my dad, whose temper these days is rather unpredictable and volatile. my dad was being a tad unreasonable and i could see the sense of loss on my mum's face as she sat there listening to my aunt trying to talk to my dad. and as i looked into my mum's face, i could see the child in her. the feeling of helplessness when faced with a thing as dreadful as death, or even the prospect of it.
the look on her face reminded me of a photo i have of her when she was younger--around my age. she was a rather beautiful girl for those times and had that look of innocence in her eyes. and that was the very same feeling i got when i looked upon her face today. i had this overwhelming desire to just go up to her, give her a hug and tell her i loved her.
but i didnt.
we went to the car as she was to drop me off. she put on a song for me to listen to. Mama by Il Divo. i was stunned as the lyrics hit me like a sledgehammer.
Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot this first part alone was enough to get tears into my eyes. i know it isnt that touching when u read it like that but put it into context. there i was, struggling with myself to tell her that i loved her. and there she went and played this song. i sat in the car, trying extremely hard to contain my emotions as i wasnt in the habit of expressing myself to her. but as the song went on, my mum herself broke down as she thought of my late grandmother. and it was really at this point that i realised the fragility of her emotional side. i saw my mum as just another kid. a different generation no doubt but nevertheless still a kid at heart. a kid who needed just as much care and concern as all those years ago.i love you mum.
P.S sorry if this post is rather weak but i am really really tired at this point of time.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:25 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:25 PM-
deepavali. deepawali. diwali. whatever its called, and the differences between each, i dont know. and neither do i really care that much. put simply, its the hindu festival of lights. the only time of the year that indians all over the world get to see what each other really looks like, aside from the teeth profile.
ok now we all know that that isnt quite true, and however much we are racist we have to respect their festivals. it is afterall, to commemorate the victory of good over evil, of chinese over in.. .. nah im jus kidding.
deepavali holidays in singapore mean pretty much one thing--indians let loose. as my travels brought me around to town, sentosa, chinatown and parts of bugis, it was as if all the construction sites in singapore had let loose their indian workers. they were like ants. all squeezing and pushing to get up the bus first, yakking away in their seemingly mindless chatter, pushing each another off the tram in sentosa, stinking up the already crowded enough blue line buses and the list just goes on.
what made me reel was THE PLACE. little india. when my bus to bishan went through chinatown at first, a family of indians boarded and plopped themselves infront of me. when they got ready to alight, i was almost screaming for joy (and simultaneously gasping for air) but the nonchalent smirk on my face got wiped off once i saw the horde of black men that gathered to board the bus the moment it reached the stop. lets jus say, the rest is history.
i have nothing against indians.
jus thought i would let u know.
and the world spits on me again
ok now we all know that that isnt quite true, and however much we are racist we have to respect their festivals. it is afterall, to commemorate the victory of good over evil, of chinese over in.. .. nah im jus kidding.
deepavali holidays in singapore mean pretty much one thing--indians let loose. as my travels brought me around to town, sentosa, chinatown and parts of bugis, it was as if all the construction sites in singapore had let loose their indian workers. they were like ants. all squeezing and pushing to get up the bus first, yakking away in their seemingly mindless chatter, pushing each another off the tram in sentosa, stinking up the already crowded enough blue line buses and the list just goes on.
what made me reel was THE PLACE. little india. when my bus to bishan went through chinatown at first, a family of indians boarded and plopped themselves infront of me. when they got ready to alight, i was almost screaming for joy (and simultaneously gasping for air) but the nonchalent smirk on my face got wiped off once i saw the horde of black men that gathered to board the bus the moment it reached the stop. lets jus say, the rest is history.
i have nothing against indians.
jus thought i would let u know.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:38 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:38 AM-
Saturday, October 14, 2006
received the most unexpected gift today. or rather, yesterday(just now). a framed-up jigsaw puzzle of chip and dale. with a message. for my birthday. thx SO MUCH lil piquid. u make my day.
im loving it.
im loving it.
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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:56 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:56 AM-
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
the wonders of life never cease to baffle and amaze. for that matter, death as well. for those of us who have watched World Trade Centre, its clear what the subject at hand is about. or perhaps not. well let me cite another example then.
my biological father. currently in Assisi Hospice. suffering from cancer. he's in such pain that he has lost the will to live on, to look forward to the future. such luxuries are now beyond him. he refuses to eat, in the hope that he will die not from his sickness but from starvation.
it is here that i first paused to wonder. and i realised that i could not even begin to comprehend the magnitude of pain that he must feel to dare to give up on life. to wish for eternal peace. he once told me that he contemplated jumping off the 12th floor of his HDB flat. that was heart-wrenching enough. and now, its even worse. to see him slowly starve himself to death. and not being able to do anything about it for the simple reason that it is his wish.
everyday i wake up to a certain amount of apprehension of what the day would bring. has the night claimed his last breath? or is the fight still going on. each time a family member calls my heart skips a beat. im not prepared. this was not the way i saw things to be. but alas the mysteries of life bring about yet another of their surprises.
which brings me back to the movie. the part where tom (or was it tommy?) got crushed and injured by falling concrete while trying to free Will (one of the main characters). he got injured so badly and was not able to cope with the pain that he took his service revolver and shot himself. the courage. the desperation. the thirst for relief of his pain. which brought me back to my father's long-drawn battle with his illness. i love you dad.
im despondent.
and the world spits on me again
my biological father. currently in Assisi Hospice. suffering from cancer. he's in such pain that he has lost the will to live on, to look forward to the future. such luxuries are now beyond him. he refuses to eat, in the hope that he will die not from his sickness but from starvation.
it is here that i first paused to wonder. and i realised that i could not even begin to comprehend the magnitude of pain that he must feel to dare to give up on life. to wish for eternal peace. he once told me that he contemplated jumping off the 12th floor of his HDB flat. that was heart-wrenching enough. and now, its even worse. to see him slowly starve himself to death. and not being able to do anything about it for the simple reason that it is his wish.
everyday i wake up to a certain amount of apprehension of what the day would bring. has the night claimed his last breath? or is the fight still going on. each time a family member calls my heart skips a beat. im not prepared. this was not the way i saw things to be. but alas the mysteries of life bring about yet another of their surprises.
which brings me back to the movie. the part where tom (or was it tommy?) got crushed and injured by falling concrete while trying to free Will (one of the main characters). he got injured so badly and was not able to cope with the pain that he took his service revolver and shot himself. the courage. the desperation. the thirst for relief of his pain. which brought me back to my father's long-drawn battle with his illness. i love you dad.
im despondent.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:53 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:53 AM-
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIQUID!!!!!!!! =)
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:12 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:12 AM-
Saturday, October 07, 2006
its intriguing. the many different ways one can look at things. the same issue. different viewpoints. all if not most make sense in their own way. it all depends on what your base-line is. one's motivations are of utmost importance in influencing the way that the mind works.
take the simple issue of love for example. or for that matter, relationships. offhand, it would seem as a rather simple concept. i like you, you like me, we get to know each other better, then, i love you, you love me. rubbish. these things are more complicated than just that. there are alot of factors to consider when you want to go ahead and actually barge into the concept and intricacies of what is called love.
feelings must be considered. not only the two involved in the relationship. but how others would think. the way it started-was it controversial? did someone get hurt in the process? the parties involved-is one side unpopular? bad history? the relationship itself-is one side too demanding? too controlling? often seen with others from the oppposite sex? the above are just a few examples of the many ways that people can gossip about a particular relationship.
so just think about it. even if the parties involved are happily in love together, there is a 90% chance that they would fallout over one of the many issues such as those above or perhaps the normal problems that plague the average couple. think about it. people's gossip can definately ruin the pure concept of love.
but why let other people run your life? its your life after all, you say. but face the reality. the chances that either of you will get affected/influenced by what people around you are saying and/or telling you is pretty high. and even if that is not the case, one would be at the very least rather unhappy.
ok im losing my train of thought. brain's getting distracted. oh yes. there we are.
when a breakup occurs, its never anybody's FAULT in particular. everything happened for a reason. feelings fade over time, thats a fact. new and interesting people are constantly appearing in life, thats a fact. no one relationship is perfect, thats a fact. what really matters when a relationship is going sour or even in pieces is what you have learnt from the experience and not to dwell on the "i should have done this" and the "i should not have done that" aspect. since its already gone, why bother wasting your energy torturing yourself. at least you learnt something. you learnt what not to do for next time. how to deal with such a situation the next time it occurs. and for those who say, but he/she was THE ONE!!! i only have one word for you-rubbish. believe it or not, there's no such thing as THE ONE. it wasnt that person that made you feel that he/she was the one. it was what YOU HAD with him/her that made it feel like the one.
and believe me, that and more can easily be found with someone else. but. yes there's always a but this and but that right? but. you have to be willing to let go of your past. let go of the hurt, the pain. do not let it be a burden to your growth. let it be a nutrient instead. only when you are able to let go ( LET GO not FORGET ) of what you shared with your previous flame will you then be able to discover the gems around you and what someone else really has to offer. do not look back at what you once had. look forward to what you CAN have and perhaps more. be daring.
and the world spits on me again
take the simple issue of love for example. or for that matter, relationships. offhand, it would seem as a rather simple concept. i like you, you like me, we get to know each other better, then, i love you, you love me. rubbish. these things are more complicated than just that. there are alot of factors to consider when you want to go ahead and actually barge into the concept and intricacies of what is called love.
feelings must be considered. not only the two involved in the relationship. but how others would think. the way it started-was it controversial? did someone get hurt in the process? the parties involved-is one side unpopular? bad history? the relationship itself-is one side too demanding? too controlling? often seen with others from the oppposite sex? the above are just a few examples of the many ways that people can gossip about a particular relationship.
so just think about it. even if the parties involved are happily in love together, there is a 90% chance that they would fallout over one of the many issues such as those above or perhaps the normal problems that plague the average couple. think about it. people's gossip can definately ruin the pure concept of love.
but why let other people run your life? its your life after all, you say. but face the reality. the chances that either of you will get affected/influenced by what people around you are saying and/or telling you is pretty high. and even if that is not the case, one would be at the very least rather unhappy.
ok im losing my train of thought. brain's getting distracted. oh yes. there we are.
when a breakup occurs, its never anybody's FAULT in particular. everything happened for a reason. feelings fade over time, thats a fact. new and interesting people are constantly appearing in life, thats a fact. no one relationship is perfect, thats a fact. what really matters when a relationship is going sour or even in pieces is what you have learnt from the experience and not to dwell on the "i should have done this" and the "i should not have done that" aspect. since its already gone, why bother wasting your energy torturing yourself. at least you learnt something. you learnt what not to do for next time. how to deal with such a situation the next time it occurs. and for those who say, but he/she was THE ONE!!! i only have one word for you-rubbish. believe it or not, there's no such thing as THE ONE. it wasnt that person that made you feel that he/she was the one. it was what YOU HAD with him/her that made it feel like the one.
and believe me, that and more can easily be found with someone else. but. yes there's always a but this and but that right? but. you have to be willing to let go of your past. let go of the hurt, the pain. do not let it be a burden to your growth. let it be a nutrient instead. only when you are able to let go ( LET GO not FORGET ) of what you shared with your previous flame will you then be able to discover the gems around you and what someone else really has to offer. do not look back at what you once had. look forward to what you CAN have and perhaps more. be daring.
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes.
In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang on to the past is holding you back from a new life.
theres no need to be sorry.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:13 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:13 AM-
Sunday, October 01, 2006
mahjong last night/this morning was scary. started off at a normal pace but as we got into the 3rd game, things started to speed up. by then, i was already down 40 bucks and pple were winning min. 4 tais. we decided to go for a 4th game and luckily i managed to recover the 40 bucks and even win 5 overall. but my god the speed they play. stressful. makes playing with mad and zk seem like a stroll in the park.
will u still be loved tmr? i hope so.
actually i dont.
and the world spits on me again
will u still be loved tmr? i hope so.
actually i dont.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:41 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:41 PM-
Thursday, September 28, 2006
its so near. jus a causeway away. a 20mins trip from woodlands. but yet. the prices of stuff are a huge contrast. jb. malaysia. truly asia? haha.
the 2.31 exchange rate results in the prices of many items to be relatively cheaper than that of in singapore. not by alot mind you but the variety is much much wider. prices are a little cheaper, variety is wider, foodstuffs are a WHOLE LOT cheaper. and it isnt very far. so why not? =)
but yea its tiring and the quality of air there is a killer. -cough cough- eew. and the place is super super dirty. wonder how many months lapse before they clean up once. dirrrrtyyyyy.
actually what made the trips really really fun was the company. having a crazy bunch of friends shopping with you definately makes it that much more fun. its really great having such friends in one's life. love em.
im growing fat though. eew.
and the world spits on me again
the 2.31 exchange rate results in the prices of many items to be relatively cheaper than that of in singapore. not by alot mind you but the variety is much much wider. prices are a little cheaper, variety is wider, foodstuffs are a WHOLE LOT cheaper. and it isnt very far. so why not? =)
but yea its tiring and the quality of air there is a killer. -cough cough- eew. and the place is super super dirty. wonder how many months lapse before they clean up once. dirrrrtyyyyy.
actually what made the trips really really fun was the company. having a crazy bunch of friends shopping with you definately makes it that much more fun. its really great having such friends in one's life. love em.
im growing fat though. eew.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:36 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:36 PM-
Friday, September 22, 2006
jialat la. life sux. in all aspects. sux sux sux.
rawr.
and the world spits on me again
rawr.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:24 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:24 AM-
Friday, September 15, 2006
im back! and so are the results. -.- 2 Ds and the rest Bs. GPA 2.5. SO STOP ASKING. zzz.
anw. iDARE was.. how can i put it. FUN FUN FUN! haha. got to know lots of great people and had fun together. high elements, team challenge pyramid(TCP), rafting, PAINTBALL, the non-stop cheering, breaking of beds.. .. hahah. so so much jus happened and 4 days jus flew by before we knew it.
love it.
and the world spits on me again
anw. iDARE was.. how can i put it. FUN FUN FUN! haha. got to know lots of great people and had fun together. high elements, team challenge pyramid(TCP), rafting, PAINTBALL, the non-stop cheering, breaking of beds.. .. hahah. so so much jus happened and 4 days jus flew by before we knew it.
love it.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:32 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:32 PM-
Monday, September 11, 2006
leaving for iDARE camp in a few hours. 11th-14th sept. most prolly back 14th night. hmm. wonder if it'll be fun. as in FUN. but then again. how wrong can this kinda adventure camps get, rite? ohwells.
think im turning nocturnal. sleeping through most parts of sunshine. think i'll die at bintan later this morning. hahah. tts if i dun miss the ferry there cos of oversleeping.
bored.
and the world spits on me again
think im turning nocturnal. sleeping through most parts of sunshine. think i'll die at bintan later this morning. hahah. tts if i dun miss the ferry there cos of oversleeping.
bored.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:10 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:10 AM-
Saturday, September 09, 2006
happy birthday to me...
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-5:55 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-5:55 AM-
Monday, September 04, 2006
people in my life are mostly passing by. jus like the people u meet on the streets. they live in ur life for jus tt moment. and then they're gone. u may or may not encounter them again. but they're gone.
this happens with some friends unknowingly. u jus lose contact slowly and they're gone. for others, they walk out on u or perhaps the other way round. these kind of people are the passer-bys. in most circumstances and most people's lingo they could even be called flirts and players.
ive been there, done tt. barged in on a person's life. messed around with it. played around perhaps. then. gone with the wind. but i dun give excuses. its bad enough i know. but i dun give excuses.
a player is a player. whether u think about it alot or not.
and the world spits on me again
this happens with some friends unknowingly. u jus lose contact slowly and they're gone. for others, they walk out on u or perhaps the other way round. these kind of people are the passer-bys. in most circumstances and most people's lingo they could even be called flirts and players.
ive been there, done tt. barged in on a person's life. messed around with it. played around perhaps. then. gone with the wind. but i dun give excuses. its bad enough i know. but i dun give excuses.
a player is a player. whether u think about it alot or not.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:01 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:01 AM-
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
im falling. and im afraid. afraid of what's gonna happen. or even what may not happen. its jus scary. i fear the whole thing repeating itself all over again. the loss and pain. which is y im so reluctant.
give me a reason not to fear.
give me a reason not to fear.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-5:00 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-5:00 PM-
Saturday, August 19, 2006
heh. i hate it when girls always say tt guys suck. girls are better. tts the reason for turning les. i really hate it. not cos they turned les but the reason they say/said it.
i mean. jus cos some girls get dumped or cheated upon doesnt mean tt every guy out there is an a-hole. tts simply committing an act of fallacy. a fallacy of composition. in econs terms tt is. it refers to the train of thought tt jus cos one or more guy(s) u know is a bastard, all guys are bastards. like. wtf? as if girls are all angels.
look ard. girls dump pple and break hearts too. and im not only talking about girls dumping guys. girls dumping girls are on e rise. face it. it aint a matter of whether u have a penis. its jus human nature. its jus how relationships work. matters of the heart. the outcome tt u get when u jump into things without realising the commitments tt come along.
ive only been in poly 4 months and counting and wad do i see? among all my friends, the heterosexual couples are goin strong. on the other hand, i have seen the breakdown of 3 lesbian couples. sorry i dun have any gay couple friends. but yea. this may not be the best of examples. but wad im trying to say is tt it aint a matter of the gender. its human nature.
be les or bi. i dun care. jus dun push the blame to GUYS as a whole. u bitches.
but pls dun take this post to heart. if u dun agree then fine. im jus fed-up with hearing "guys suck. they're all bastards."
as if girls are angels. bungs for tt matter.
i mean. jus cos some girls get dumped or cheated upon doesnt mean tt every guy out there is an a-hole. tts simply committing an act of fallacy. a fallacy of composition. in econs terms tt is. it refers to the train of thought tt jus cos one or more guy(s) u know is a bastard, all guys are bastards. like. wtf? as if girls are all angels.
look ard. girls dump pple and break hearts too. and im not only talking about girls dumping guys. girls dumping girls are on e rise. face it. it aint a matter of whether u have a penis. its jus human nature. its jus how relationships work. matters of the heart. the outcome tt u get when u jump into things without realising the commitments tt come along.
ive only been in poly 4 months and counting and wad do i see? among all my friends, the heterosexual couples are goin strong. on the other hand, i have seen the breakdown of 3 lesbian couples. sorry i dun have any gay couple friends. but yea. this may not be the best of examples. but wad im trying to say is tt it aint a matter of the gender. its human nature.
be les or bi. i dun care. jus dun push the blame to GUYS as a whole. u bitches.
but pls dun take this post to heart. if u dun agree then fine. im jus fed-up with hearing "guys suck. they're all bastards."
as if girls are angels. bungs for tt matter.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:36 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:36 PM-
sometimes its better to think through what u are goin to say or tell some pple.
dun think any of u would know what im referring to. but yea. think before u speak. it could cause some worry and uneasiness sometimes, the things u say.
simply put, im sorry.
and i know im forgiven.
dun think any of u would know what im referring to. but yea. think before u speak. it could cause some worry and uneasiness sometimes, the things u say.
simply put, im sorry.
and i know im forgiven.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:28 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:28 AM-
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
girl to security uncle at zebra crossing: uncle take care ok? got alot of cars. -smiles-
security uncle: stupid girl. walk faster la!
ROFL. joke of e month. nice of e girl though aint it?
anw. exams are up. and there's still alot alot to be done. die la. hope i can clear this sem. zzz.
helpppp.
security uncle: stupid girl. walk faster la!
ROFL. joke of e month. nice of e girl though aint it?
anw. exams are up. and there's still alot alot to be done. die la. hope i can clear this sem. zzz.
helpppp.
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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:18 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:18 PM-
Friday, August 11, 2006
been some time since i last blogged. well ok its only been 5 days. obviously. but in these 5 days. much has happened. ive met lotsa new people. new personalities. learnt new stuff. opened my eyes a lil more to e big world that it is out there.
im glad i came to poly. i mean. not tt i dun regret not studying hard in jc but. poly--NGEE ANN POLY--has really let me grow in so many ways. and its only been one sem. magical. not tt im doin fantastic in studies or wadever. but. its jus amazing how much a person can grow in a stipulated environment. then again. its all about one's attitude. i see so many people in e same place as me, but yet, they fail to find meaning in sch, in life. and its such a pity really.
i wonder what the nex 5 sems will hold in store for me. wad will it be dear NP? wad do u have for me?
bring it on.
and the world spits on me again
im glad i came to poly. i mean. not tt i dun regret not studying hard in jc but. poly--NGEE ANN POLY--has really let me grow in so many ways. and its only been one sem. magical. not tt im doin fantastic in studies or wadever. but. its jus amazing how much a person can grow in a stipulated environment. then again. its all about one's attitude. i see so many people in e same place as me, but yet, they fail to find meaning in sch, in life. and its such a pity really.
i wonder what the nex 5 sems will hold in store for me. wad will it be dear NP? wad do u have for me?
bring it on.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:45 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:45 AM-
Friday, August 04, 2006
wad's happening? -looks around- it aint all that bad i would say. there are new people in my life, events to look forward to, great friends. the works.
but 1 thing is still left hollow. empty. the emotional vacuum. yes i am one of those people who actually indulges in that aspect of life. i find it more comforting, more meaningful, to lead a life shared with tt special some1. of cos this does not mean that jus any1 can take this place. it has to be some1 i share a special sth with.
ur beautiful.
and the world spits on me again
but 1 thing is still left hollow. empty. the emotional vacuum. yes i am one of those people who actually indulges in that aspect of life. i find it more comforting, more meaningful, to lead a life shared with tt special some1. of cos this does not mean that jus any1 can take this place. it has to be some1 i share a special sth with.
ur beautiful.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:56 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:56 AM-
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
no-brainer post:
I CAN GO FLY-KITE.
means alot though. if u know wads goin on. =x
and the world spits on me again
I CAN GO FLY-KITE.
means alot though. if u know wads goin on. =x
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:02 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:02 AM-
Monday, July 24, 2006
its not clear. what is to be. or what isnt. its not clear. show a sign i said. but there are now a flurry of contradicting signs and things that have happened that really leaves me wondering.
i wonder what you are really thinking. i wonder what you think of all this. perhaps u are even oblivious to everything that im talking about. who knows? i jus dun dare to ask. to even come close to this topic to gauge.
we all miss some1. a good friend now overseas. a family member who passed away. your old dog who died in his sleep. your ex(es). tt pain, more in some cases, is harboured in your heart. the memories engulf you in suffering as every place you go brings back those wonderful times. even the most unrelated things can trigger off residual memories and bring back, even amplify the torment that you were feeling.
the past was bad. but this does not mean one forsakes the present. you do not give up the oppourtunity to make new friends. you do not not love your other family members. you do not have to abstain from getting another pet. similarly, you do not stop yourself from opening up and loving some1 as much as you did with him/her.
ive said this before to some1, and i'll say it again:
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it u would let go of today?
to let go of sth, is not to forget it ever happened. it is to accept that it has already happened. and from there on you either make choices that could undo what has been done or you move on. in most cases, what's done is done. and most people find themselves moving on. reluctantly. painfully. why make it so difficult? true, its harder to do than to say. i was there once. i know how it feels. but stop wallowing in self-pity, i realised too late. no one owes you anything(aside from money they borrowed). even if you love/loved some1 with all your heart, that person aint obliged to reciprocate/stay with you. true giving has no expectations. so dun expect nothing.
giving some1 all your love and concern is no assurance that they will love you back in the same way. dun expect love in return-jus wait for it to grow in his/her heart. but if it doesnt, be content that it grew it yours.
all hail the power of love, for it alone surpasses all the other great evils--greed, cunningness, etc. even the most evil of people can get swayed by the simple act of love. dun get me wrong, it could be the love of something else and not some1. but it is love nonetheless. sure, love in itself is a great evil. it manifests greed, trickery, butchery. nations can rise and fall riding on this fact. ancient empires are testimony to that.
on a lighter note, some1 jus talked to me about Him. this issue of faith has crossed my path countless times and each time i find myself looking for Him in my life. from people's experience sharing, i find Him in alot of areas of my life. however, i jus cant seem to find tt one thing that empowers me to really believe. i find myself skeptical of certain issues and beliefs, which forms a barrier that shows no space and allowance for religion.
ohwell. life isnt as hyped up as it is said to be. it can get a little draggy at times.
and the world spits on me again
i wonder what you are really thinking. i wonder what you think of all this. perhaps u are even oblivious to everything that im talking about. who knows? i jus dun dare to ask. to even come close to this topic to gauge.
we all miss some1. a good friend now overseas. a family member who passed away. your old dog who died in his sleep. your ex(es). tt pain, more in some cases, is harboured in your heart. the memories engulf you in suffering as every place you go brings back those wonderful times. even the most unrelated things can trigger off residual memories and bring back, even amplify the torment that you were feeling.
the past was bad. but this does not mean one forsakes the present. you do not give up the oppourtunity to make new friends. you do not not love your other family members. you do not have to abstain from getting another pet. similarly, you do not stop yourself from opening up and loving some1 as much as you did with him/her.
ive said this before to some1, and i'll say it again:
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it u would let go of today?
to let go of sth, is not to forget it ever happened. it is to accept that it has already happened. and from there on you either make choices that could undo what has been done or you move on. in most cases, what's done is done. and most people find themselves moving on. reluctantly. painfully. why make it so difficult? true, its harder to do than to say. i was there once. i know how it feels. but stop wallowing in self-pity, i realised too late. no one owes you anything(aside from money they borrowed). even if you love/loved some1 with all your heart, that person aint obliged to reciprocate/stay with you. true giving has no expectations.
giving some1 all your love and concern is no assurance that they will love you back in the same way. dun expect love in return-jus wait for it to grow in his/her heart. but if it doesnt, be content that it grew it yours.
all hail the power of love, for it alone surpasses all the other great evils--greed, cunningness, etc. even the most evil of people can get swayed by the simple act of love. dun get me wrong, it could be the love of something else and not some1. but it is love nonetheless. sure, love in itself is a great evil. it manifests greed, trickery, butchery. nations can rise and fall riding on this fact. ancient empires are testimony to that.
on a lighter note, some1 jus talked to me about Him. this issue of faith has crossed my path countless times and each time i find myself looking for Him in my life. from people's experience sharing, i find Him in alot of areas of my life. however, i jus cant seem to find tt one thing that empowers me to really believe. i find myself skeptical of certain issues and beliefs, which forms a barrier that shows no space and allowance for religion.
ohwell. life isnt as hyped up as it is said to be. it can get a little draggy at times.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:06 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:06 AM-
Saturday, July 22, 2006
"please, know wad you wan. you dunno how you are hurting pple with your fickle mind. i pity hger. maybe, i dunno the situation, but i hate wad you are doing. i hate guys like you. wait a min, i hate all guys. cause you FUCKING bastards are all like that, breaking hearts like it doesnt matter at all, like it wldnt hurt abit. just wait. you will have a taste of it soon. i trust god."
got the above from someone's blog. aimed at me. i think.
anw. things sometimes are not what they appear to be. true what this person said did happen to a certain extent but when this person said "maybe, i dunno the situation, but....", this person was so so right.
however, unfortunately for this person, im not going to explain what i mean because i simply do not see the need to make this kind of things clear to others. especially to someone who passes judgements pretty quickly.
all i have to say is: im sure she knows why this happened. i dunno if she told u but there's some things that u needa know before making this kinda incriminating posts.
so. get ur facts(and ur life) straight before trying to flame people.
-bows-
and the world spits on me again
got the above from someone's blog. aimed at me. i think.
anw. things sometimes are not what they appear to be. true what this person said did happen to a certain extent but when this person said "maybe, i dunno the situation, but....", this person was so so right.
however, unfortunately for this person, im not going to explain what i mean because i simply do not see the need to make this kind of things clear to others. especially to someone who passes judgements pretty quickly.
all i have to say is: im sure she knows why this happened. i dunno if she told u but there's some things that u needa know before making this kinda incriminating posts.
so. get ur facts(and ur life) straight before trying to flame people.
-bows-
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:30 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:30 PM-
Sunday, July 16, 2006
sometimes im such a fool.
and the world spits on me again
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:56 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:56 PM-
Friday, July 14, 2006
sickness is a terrible thing to grapple with. especially when its terminal. ur jus waiting for ur time to come. slowly slowly, day by day. its such a terrible state to be in. aah.
the issue of laziness and fun-loving is catching up with me again. im having probs with doin my part of the CIP PBL proj. im sorry to my grp mates. but there's jus too many things happening. of cos it mainly lies with my laziness but there're also some issues tt i have to face.
i suddenly feel like my life is kinda empty. sure i have the support and company of many friends and even some special ones-u know who u are. but i still feel empty. the space tt is meant to be filled by tt special some1 has remained this way for jus too long. sure this is sth most pple can do without. but for me, this is jus the way i function. the need for someone to be there for me almost engulfs me in anguish as i realise with a sting tt there's no one to take on tt role.
its not an issue of there not being anyone willing. its jus tt im not willing. it aint mutual. the few pple whom i feel able to share tt special sth with either dun find it mutual or have left me. the fault lies with me? perhaps. i wun deny it. i failed to treasure wad i once had. and when i was willing to change/changing/changed, there was jus no more chance for anything.
wads wrong with me. the sadness and pain i feel each day from the emptiness of my life really hurts. on this note, i wan to apologise to a certain some1. its not ur fault or anything u did. the way the whole issue was handled between us wasnt very smooth and it lay on my side of the court. i kinda understand the anguish u feel and the mixed emotions tt trouble u. or perhaps i dun. but im sorry nevertheless and i jus wanna say tt things between us wil nvr work out the way we wan it to be. we may click well, but i jus cant bring myself to commit. and its jus not fair to u.
when will tt some1 appear in my life? when will tt some1 whom i can share the ups and downs of life together with surface? i can safely say tt there are pple like tt. pple whom i alr know. most have left me for greener pastures. there's jus this 1. this unique 1 who makes my heart at ease jus by talking to me. i can tell she doesnt even try but somehow it jus works wonders with me. if only i knew how to be as special to her, to make her feel the same way or even more about me. perhaps some guys could do tt very well--capturing a lady's heart. and perhaps i could. but tt side of me has died along with the failure of my past.
show me some response, and i will love u as i have nvr loved before, treasure u as the most priceless of treasures and make u feel tt love really makes the world go round.
jus show me some response.
True giving has no expectations.
and the world spits on me again
the issue of laziness and fun-loving is catching up with me again. im having probs with doin my part of the CIP PBL proj. im sorry to my grp mates. but there's jus too many things happening. of cos it mainly lies with my laziness but there're also some issues tt i have to face.
i suddenly feel like my life is kinda empty. sure i have the support and company of many friends and even some special ones-u know who u are. but i still feel empty. the space tt is meant to be filled by tt special some1 has remained this way for jus too long. sure this is sth most pple can do without. but for me, this is jus the way i function. the need for someone to be there for me almost engulfs me in anguish as i realise with a sting tt there's no one to take on tt role.
its not an issue of there not being anyone willing. its jus tt im not willing. it aint mutual. the few pple whom i feel able to share tt special sth with either dun find it mutual or have left me. the fault lies with me? perhaps. i wun deny it. i failed to treasure wad i once had. and when i was willing to change/changing/changed, there was jus no more chance for anything.
wads wrong with me. the sadness and pain i feel each day from the emptiness of my life really hurts. on this note, i wan to apologise to a certain some1. its not ur fault or anything u did. the way the whole issue was handled between us wasnt very smooth and it lay on my side of the court. i kinda understand the anguish u feel and the mixed emotions tt trouble u. or perhaps i dun. but im sorry nevertheless and i jus wanna say tt things between us wil nvr work out the way we wan it to be. we may click well, but i jus cant bring myself to commit. and its jus not fair to u.
when will tt some1 appear in my life? when will tt some1 whom i can share the ups and downs of life together with surface? i can safely say tt there are pple like tt. pple whom i alr know. most have left me for greener pastures. there's jus this 1. this unique 1 who makes my heart at ease jus by talking to me. i can tell she doesnt even try but somehow it jus works wonders with me. if only i knew how to be as special to her, to make her feel the same way or even more about me. perhaps some guys could do tt very well--capturing a lady's heart. and perhaps i could. but tt side of me has died along with the failure of my past.
show me some response, and i will love u as i have nvr loved before, treasure u as the most priceless of treasures and make u feel tt love really makes the world go round.
jus show me some response.
True giving has no expectations.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:34 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:34 AM-
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
would it be possible to meet and just fall in love with some1 whom you've jus met? to know tt tt person is the one whom you've been looking for all along. tt this is exactly what you've always wanted in a partner.
oppourtunity leaps out at you, screaming to be taken by the hand and grasped tightly. but jus as you contemplate making a move or doin anything, fate comes along and deals you a blow. tt person is leaving. before you even got to know him/her better. a bitter blow.
long dist r/s are hard to maintain they say. even more so when you hardly know or spent time with each other. whats there to treasure? whats there to trust? you nvr meant anything to him/her. jus another random person who happened to cross their path in life.
i kid you not. 4 years is a long time to be gone. cities can fall and rise in this time. many things can and will change. new people will appear and some friends would be lost along with the flow of time. how is it possible tt things between you 2 would last through this ordeal? even good friends may be lost, what more a mere stranger like you?
it may not be a problem with him/her, but perhaps it would be for you? could you resist the temptation of the infinite flow of beauty and glamour around you? all tt charm, tt flirting. would you be fair to yourself to even try and wait 4 years? even the people around you are telling you tt it aint possible and tt you shouldnt step into it. but is it really? would you really succumb to the power of greed tt easily if you had the power of love backing you up?
and then again. do you even have tt power with you? it could jus be a dream fantasy on ur part. tt special person may not even realise he/she is tt some1, even if he/she were reading this very passage right now. face it. 4 days of knowing some1 and liking him/her proves nothing. its nothing. it happens to every1. its what you were to do from now on tt matters. what u could do to make things happen. the roulette of fate has bestowed 2 and a half more months for you 2 to develop things and work it out, if anything actually happens. 2 months to make things memorable, to make it possible.
to even jus try would mean to sacrifice some part of your life. people who love you in the same way as you do this special person for eg. this grp of people would be lost to you. even your friends. cos this would be a question of ur integrity and how much value they can place on your word and if u somehow betray what you promised to do, friendships could be jeopardised.
so ask yourself, are you prepared? are you willing to make sacrifices? are you willing to try?
you may not fall in love easily, and your going away may affect things, but this wont stop me from trying. for you are what i want in life.
and the world spits on me again
oppourtunity leaps out at you, screaming to be taken by the hand and grasped tightly. but jus as you contemplate making a move or doin anything, fate comes along and deals you a blow. tt person is leaving. before you even got to know him/her better. a bitter blow.
long dist r/s are hard to maintain they say. even more so when you hardly know or spent time with each other. whats there to treasure? whats there to trust? you nvr meant anything to him/her. jus another random person who happened to cross their path in life.
i kid you not. 4 years is a long time to be gone. cities can fall and rise in this time. many things can and will change. new people will appear and some friends would be lost along with the flow of time. how is it possible tt things between you 2 would last through this ordeal? even good friends may be lost, what more a mere stranger like you?
it may not be a problem with him/her, but perhaps it would be for you? could you resist the temptation of the infinite flow of beauty and glamour around you? all tt charm, tt flirting. would you be fair to yourself to even try and wait 4 years? even the people around you are telling you tt it aint possible and tt you shouldnt step into it. but is it really? would you really succumb to the power of greed tt easily if you had the power of love backing you up?
and then again. do you even have tt power with you? it could jus be a dream fantasy on ur part. tt special person may not even realise he/she is tt some1, even if he/she were reading this very passage right now. face it. 4 days of knowing some1 and liking him/her proves nothing. its nothing. it happens to every1. its what you were to do from now on tt matters. what u could do to make things happen. the roulette of fate has bestowed 2 and a half more months for you 2 to develop things and work it out, if anything actually happens. 2 months to make things memorable, to make it possible.
to even jus try would mean to sacrifice some part of your life. people who love you in the same way as you do this special person for eg. this grp of people would be lost to you. even your friends. cos this would be a question of ur integrity and how much value they can place on your word and if u somehow betray what you promised to do, friendships could be jeopardised.
so ask yourself, are you prepared? are you willing to make sacrifices? are you willing to try?
you may not fall in love easily, and your going away may affect things, but this wont stop me from trying. for you are what i want in life.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:01 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:01 AM-
Monday, July 10, 2006
italy won e world cup. 5-3 on penalty shoot-out. enjoyed e match. enjoyed e company even more. pity though. pity.
my mind's reeling now. too many thought processes can do tt to a person. thinking is such hard work. esp when feelings are involved. these things are delicate issues and have to be dealt with appropriately.
why did this have to happen?
y do u have to fly off.
and the world spits on me again
my mind's reeling now. too many thought processes can do tt to a person. thinking is such hard work. esp when feelings are involved. these things are delicate issues and have to be dealt with appropriately.
why did this have to happen?
y do u have to fly off.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:08 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:08 AM-
Thursday, July 06, 2006
is it to be or not to be? tt is the question. many things are an uncertainty. i do not know the answers to most if not all of the questions tt pple may have for me. i am unable to answer. i live in uncertainty. but i do not enjoy this living.
i dun like the way tt my mind works. my heart goes against my brain. and this knowing tt i have such a mindset and tt im such a person, really scares me. it puts me in a position tt i fear, tt i do not want to be in. and it aint easy to move out of it.
so wad are the questions? i dun know. u tell me.
know me better, and answer your questions for yourself.
and the world spits on me again
i dun like the way tt my mind works. my heart goes against my brain. and this knowing tt i have such a mindset and tt im such a person, really scares me. it puts me in a position tt i fear, tt i do not want to be in. and it aint easy to move out of it.
so wad are the questions? i dun know. u tell me.
know me better, and answer your questions for yourself.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:29 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:29 PM-
Thursday, June 29, 2006
many things have happened recently. many new friends, new people. i look forward to a new life tts definite.
but. im having some problems with commitment. esp with people. i fear. i fear the loss that would be felt when its all over. i fear the pain all over again. i guess its also bcos of the fact tt i havent exactly found THE ONE for me. or perhaps more time is needed. i dun know.
all i know is tt im having probs with the idea of bein tied down to any1 rite now. u could say tt i dun like the person enough, and i wun rebutt tt. but then again. in some cases. its jus so not happening the way i want it.
its jus kinda weird tt 1 person can have so much impact on another person's life. the pain, the misery tt can be caused. the irrepairable damage.
fate is a funny thing.
and the world spits on me again
but. im having some problems with commitment. esp with people. i fear. i fear the loss that would be felt when its all over. i fear the pain all over again. i guess its also bcos of the fact tt i havent exactly found THE ONE for me. or perhaps more time is needed. i dun know.
all i know is tt im having probs with the idea of bein tied down to any1 rite now. u could say tt i dun like the person enough, and i wun rebutt tt. but then again. in some cases. its jus so not happening the way i want it.
its jus kinda weird tt 1 person can have so much impact on another person's life. the pain, the misery tt can be caused. the irrepairable damage.
fate is a funny thing.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:53 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:53 AM-
Sunday, June 25, 2006
ha. so long nvr blog alr. jus cant be bothered man. ohwell. lets jus summarize the past few weeks up yea?
hols have been fun. vball camp-met new pple, kena sunburn, kena chua tio by lady in white(s). slacking ard. watching world cup. laughing at Serbia and Trinidad. cheering for Brazil.
and now. all the fun's over. back to sch. haii.
and the world spits on me again
hols have been fun. vball camp-met new pple, kena sunburn, kena chua tio by lady in white(s). slacking ard. watching world cup. laughing at Serbia and Trinidad. cheering for Brazil.
and now. all the fun's over. back to sch. haii.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:27 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:27 PM-
Monday, June 12, 2006
im drowning in boredom, in my mini kingdom, living in my fantasy of stardom, building up a dukedom, dreaming of officialdom.
ni DOM le ma?
=.=
and the world spits on me again
ni DOM le ma?
=.=
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:56 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-2:56 PM-
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
im happy. im a happy happy kid. though i dun know if it will last for long. i mean. well ok there're exams to contend with now, so i cant be THAT happy. like, i jus flunked my INFA(accounting) test.. ZzZZZzZZzZzz...
but certain developments in life have made me hopeful. hopeful tt a better life is to come. -prays-
God lend me ur power. on this day, show me THE OMEN pls!!!
=.=
and the world spits on me again
but certain developments in life have made me hopeful. hopeful tt a better life is to come. -prays-
God lend me ur power. on this day, show me THE OMEN pls!!!
=.=
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:21 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:21 PM-
Sunday, June 04, 2006
u cant get everything u want. but does that mean that u cant desire it? or does that want work against wad is better for you and make you do stupid things? make stupid choices and decisions?
wadever it is. dun let it control you. dun let it manifest and become an epitome of ur greed and desires. dun. jus dun. control urself. think. be rational.
but i still desire.
and the world spits on me again
wadever it is. dun let it control you. dun let it manifest and become an epitome of ur greed and desires. dun. jus dun. control urself. think. be rational.
but i still desire.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:58 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:58 AM-
Friday, June 02, 2006
thank you. ( you may know who u are) thank you for freeing me from that emotional prison. for giving me the key back to freedom.
things are pretty complicated. or rather, they were rather complicated and u may not understand whats goin on. its hard to explain. jus know tt im glad for wad has happened. it has lifted a burden off my back.
phew.
everything's intact.
and the world spits on me again
things are pretty complicated. or rather, they were rather complicated and u may not understand whats goin on. its hard to explain. jus know tt im glad for wad has happened. it has lifted a burden off my back.
phew.
everything's intact.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:38 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:38 PM-
what the hell am i doing. why am i kidding myself. that miracle that i hope for will never happen. its better to jus forget it.
face it. with what i have to offer, not many people would actually go for it. in fact, i have my answer already. what's gonna happen nex is jus a matter of how i handle it. but at least my path and choice is now clear to me.
im sorry.
and the world spits on me again
face it. with what i have to offer, not many people would actually go for it. in fact, i have my answer already. what's gonna happen nex is jus a matter of how i handle it. but at least my path and choice is now clear to me.
im sorry.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:52 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:52 AM-
Thursday, June 01, 2006
so many 1-year plus couples are breaking up. hmm. love at this age jus doesnt seem to last, does it? or perhaps its jus an issue of staying committed??
i want, yet i do not want. i hope, yet i do not hope.
profound? i dun really know wad im talking bout actually. its jus a sign of how confused and scared i am of certain things.
~beep!~
and the world spits on me again
i want, yet i do not want. i hope, yet i do not hope.
profound? i dun really know wad im talking bout actually. its jus a sign of how confused and scared i am of certain things.
~beep!~
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:25 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:25 AM-
Monday, May 29, 2006
things have been pretty chaotic. but it aint all bad. i went for my dive trip, for 1. some parts of my life have settled down a fair bit too.
i jus hope tt certain things would be made clear to me. i wanna know wanna know wanna know. darn it.
cant think now. alot has happened but im tired i guess. zzzz.
amen.
and the world spits on me again
i jus hope tt certain things would be made clear to me. i wanna know wanna know wanna know. darn it.
cant think now. alot has happened but im tired i guess. zzzz.
amen.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-4:42 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-4:42 AM-
Monday, May 22, 2006
it came at the wrong time. serious and fun. they clashed. for me at least.
there was a time when i was playful. but not anymore. i wanted something meaningful. i thot i could look forward to something soon. but no. it was not to be.
the person who came up with the chi saying "na de qi, fang de sia" should be clobbered. twice. but i suppose he's right. it isnt anyone's fault tt this has happened. its jus the way things are.
but still.
screw it.
and the world spits on me again
there was a time when i was playful. but not anymore. i wanted something meaningful. i thot i could look forward to something soon. but no. it was not to be.
the person who came up with the chi saying "na de qi, fang de sia" should be clobbered. twice. but i suppose he's right. it isnt anyone's fault tt this has happened. its jus the way things are.
but still.
screw it.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:35 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:35 PM-
blogs are a dangerous thing. it reveals much about a person--his/her past, his/her character.
and the world spits on me again
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:13 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:13 AM-
u gave me the ans. in such an indirect, yet simple way. u gave me the answers to what i needed to know. im not sure if i exactly like what i know now. but one thing's certain.
i jus hope im wrong. prove me wrong? or give me some reason to look at it from a different point of view.
im not happy. once again.
i jus hope im wrong. prove me wrong? or give me some reason to look at it from a different point of view.
im not happy. once again.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-6:46 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-6:46 AM-
Sunday, May 21, 2006
is it time?? to let go? to move on? to trust? is everything for real? or is this jus another game?
i wan to believe, i wan to know i can trust you. but u make it difficult. sometimes u seem like u dun care, like i dun mean anything.
no matter wad ure thinking. i wan u to know tt im not fooling ard. jus make it easier for me to get the answer. or do u not know either?
im lost.
i wan to believe, i wan to know i can trust you. but u make it difficult. sometimes u seem like u dun care, like i dun mean anything.
no matter wad ure thinking. i wan u to know tt im not fooling ard. jus make it easier for me to get the answer. or do u not know either?
im lost.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:12 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:12 PM-
Friday, May 19, 2006
questions questions. i really aint certain. make it clear.
the situation now is so uncomfortably familiar. pls dun let it be tt way.
give me an ans.
im insecure.
the situation now is so uncomfortably familiar. pls dun let it be tt way.
give me an ans.
im insecure.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:41 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:41 AM-
i dun know what u want. u bring me back to those memories. good? perhaps. bad? possibly.
its scary.
pls make it clear to me, some1. any1.
its scary.
pls make it clear to me, some1. any1.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:14 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:14 AM-
Thursday, May 18, 2006
baby u are my sunshine.
=)
im lovin' it.
=)
im lovin' it.
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:07 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:07 AM-
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
life's good. at least i think it is. new people are entering my life. i like. =P i jus hope history doesnt repeat itself. i cant take another blow. not now. not yet.
things seem to be goin well though. ah well. time is too short.
looking on the other side of things. i have sch to contend with. projects, projects and more projects. oh. and... more projects. -.- sorry i jus had to do tt.
will life get better?? pls tell me u will make it so.
and the world spits on me again
things seem to be goin well though. ah well. time is too short.
looking on the other side of things. i have sch to contend with. projects, projects and more projects. oh. and... more projects. -.- sorry i jus had to do tt.
will life get better?? pls tell me u will make it so.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:06 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:06 AM-
Monday, May 15, 2006
im not good enough. nvr good enough for you. anyone. everyone. im a walking flaw. im sorry if i offended you. its jus me.
im jus like that. i cant help it. im not who you want me to be. hell, im not who I wanna be. targets, ideals. screw em. screw em all.
im pissed.
im sorry.
and the world spits on me again
im jus like that. i cant help it. im not who you want me to be. hell, im not who I wanna be. targets, ideals. screw em. screw em all.
im pissed.
im sorry.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:22 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:22 PM-
walao. i take bus from esplanade to amk. then fell aslp. 12+ wake up. im in some ulu place at yio chu kang bus depot!! not interchange. DEPOT. basket. took me dunno how long to get home.
jialat. now my room light oso spoil. keep flickering. on music macham like zouk alr lor. how to do work?? -.-
im tired. in every way possible. really tired. of walking this journey alone.
walk with me.
and the world spits on me again
jialat. now my room light oso spoil. keep flickering. on music macham like zouk alr lor. how to do work?? -.-
im tired. in every way possible. really tired. of walking this journey alone.
walk with me.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:44 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:44 AM-
Saturday, May 13, 2006
my eye is much better now. still excreting alot of funny liquids but. ohwell. looks, feels much better.
BUT. now ive gotta treat my athelete's foot. my right foot. its spreading. and its freaking itchy. dammit.
i got NO TIME to see a doc. til monday comes. or perhaps sunday. sat 9-5 there's diving theory. dun think docs open til tt late. bums.
aaaaaaaaah. rashes on arms. pimple on eye. athelte's foot. wad nex?? hair loss? erectile dysfunction??? CHOY!
nevertheless.
im dying.
and the world spits on me again
BUT. now ive gotta treat my athelete's foot. my right foot. its spreading. and its freaking itchy. dammit.
i got NO TIME to see a doc. til monday comes. or perhaps sunday. sat 9-5 there's diving theory. dun think docs open til tt late. bums.
aaaaaaaaah. rashes on arms. pimple on eye. athelte's foot. wad nex?? hair loss? erectile dysfunction??? CHOY!
nevertheless.
im dying.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:34 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:34 AM-
Thursday, May 11, 2006
wtf man. im fugging half-blind. the diving doctor saw it in his duty to remove the thingy from my eye. at a cost of 80 bucks. zzz.
anw. he injected my eyelid (i have a phobia of needles btw) with anaesthetic and before i knew it. voila. he had burst it and offered to show me the pus. and now my eye is freaking swollen, burning, bleeding and tearing.
due to my unpreparedness. i went home half blind and in the dark i WALKED INTO A POLE. ouch. #%$^#@($%@&*#&
bloody hell.
and the world spits on me again
anw. he injected my eyelid (i have a phobia of needles btw) with anaesthetic and before i knew it. voila. he had burst it and offered to show me the pus. and now my eye is freaking swollen, burning, bleeding and tearing.
due to my unpreparedness. i went home half blind and in the dark i WALKED INTO A POLE. ouch. #%$^#@($%@&*#&
bloody hell.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:15 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:15 PM-
Sunday, May 07, 2006
hmm. havent been blogging. been reminded of the past that day at the divers meeting. wonder if i shld join or not. if shes gonna stick ard, esp for the trips, then its gonna be pretty painful...
anw. im like. sick with sore throat and runny nose + swollen eye + rashes on arm. im dying. retribution? perhaps. -.-
i miss the past.
come back pls.
and the world spits on me again
anw. im like. sick with sore throat and runny nose + swollen eye + rashes on arm. im dying. retribution? perhaps. -.-
i miss the past.
come back pls.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:10 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:10 PM-
Friday, May 05, 2006
hmm. some people dam smart. make use of the human nature of jealousy to get what she wants. and she got what she wanted in the end. zzz. wth. major player siaH.
sch's been so-so otherwise. better than NYP crowd but its a pity every1's so stuck to their OGs. and i dun have 1. siann.
anw. im sick now!!! mus be the late nights and improper meals. zzz. and my right eyelid is freaking swollen. looking for some1 to take care of me!!
girls any1? -.-
and the world spits on me again
sch's been so-so otherwise. better than NYP crowd but its a pity every1's so stuck to their OGs. and i dun have 1. siann.
anw. im sick now!!! mus be the late nights and improper meals. zzz. and my right eyelid is freaking swollen. looking for some1 to take care of me!!
girls any1? -.-
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:26 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:26 AM-
Monday, May 01, 2006
hmm. im starting to realise my many many imperfections man. as i meet more people and understand more of what they are and can do, i feel so insignificant. so small. so. worthless?
some1 once told me "no one will look down upon you unless u look down upon urself."
it aint exactly true but its meaningful. i mean. u can think the world of urself and people will still look down on you for being haughty. but i guess one shld nvr look down upon oneself. i jus cant help it i guess.
kill me.
and the world spits on me again
some1 once told me "no one will look down upon you unless u look down upon urself."
it aint exactly true but its meaningful. i mean. u can think the world of urself and people will still look down on you for being haughty. but i guess one shld nvr look down upon oneself. i jus cant help it i guess.
kill me.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:56 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:56 PM-
Friday, April 28, 2006
what would you do if your efforts were never noticed? what would you do if you were doing your best to change and it just goes past everyone just like that? -snaps fingers-
it gets really frustrating when people judge you based on past mistakes and have biasness towards everything you do.
i mean, hey sure they're entitled to do so cos of my past mistakes and its natural if they feel concerned over my present state and my future. but. it does NOT help to assume the worst about everything. time is needed for people to prove themselves but in this time, it helps if people would just reserve their biasness for gossip and bitching and not confront you about it directly til they're sure of what they're talking about.
it hurts when someone accuses you of something that you have never done/had the intention of doing. it truly does.
what would you do if this were to happen to you? what COULD you do?
and the world spits on me again
it gets really frustrating when people judge you based on past mistakes and have biasness towards everything you do.
i mean, hey sure they're entitled to do so cos of my past mistakes and its natural if they feel concerned over my present state and my future. but. it does NOT help to assume the worst about everything. time is needed for people to prove themselves but in this time, it helps if people would just reserve their biasness for gossip and bitching and not confront you about it directly til they're sure of what they're talking about.
it hurts when someone accuses you of something that you have never done/had the intention of doing. it truly does.
what would you do if this were to happen to you? what COULD you do?
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:00 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-8:00 AM-
Thursday, April 27, 2006
hmm. lee hsien loong kena contested. those darn workers party pple. got balls man.
got alot of time also. how to win?? waste time getting nominated. waste the pple's time having to queue to vote. confirm lee hsien loong win 1 wad. come kachor the peace in amk for wad. aiyo.
anw jus found out my block is scheduled for life upgrading. like FINALLY. thx to elections.
amen.
and the world spits on me again
got alot of time also. how to win?? waste time getting nominated. waste the pple's time having to queue to vote. confirm lee hsien loong win 1 wad. come kachor the peace in amk for wad. aiyo.
anw jus found out my block is scheduled for life upgrading. like FINALLY. thx to elections.
amen.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:58 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:58 PM-
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
today 1st day of lesson.. so-so only la. no comments.. BUT AR. MeL shocked me.
Courses in which you are enrolled:
INTRODUCTION TO FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING
2 new content items
ORAL BUSINESS COMMUNICATION
1 new content item
CREATIVITY AND APPLIED THINKING SKILLS
9 new content items
MICROECONOMICS
1 new content items
COMPUTING & INFORMATION PROCESSING
19 new content items
BUSINESS STATISTICS
312 new content items
THREE HUNDRED AND TWELVE for biz stats. WTF. scary....
anw. here's some food for thought:
"Beauty without flaw is a flaw in itself."
chew on it.
and the world spits on me again
Courses in which you are enrolled:
INTRODUCTION TO FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING2 new content items
ORAL BUSINESS COMMUNICATION1 new content item
CREATIVITY AND APPLIED THINKING SKILLS9 new content items
MICROECONOMICS1 new content items
COMPUTING & INFORMATION PROCESSING19 new content items
BUSINESS STATISTICS312 new content items
THREE HUNDRED AND TWELVE for biz stats. WTF. scary....
anw. here's some food for thought:
"Beauty without flaw is a flaw in itself."
chew on it.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:37 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-7:37 PM-
Sunday, April 23, 2006
the past is hard to let go. very. but there has to come a point in time where one realises that its better to jus forget the sad sad past.
keep the happy memories, but do not let them cause you any further hurt and pain. jus be grateful that those instances even occurred in the first place. be content with what you had. you may never experience the same things with the same person. but isnt it better than to have never experienced it at all?
be grateful. do not bear grudges and feel sore about what the past has wrought upon you.
be grateful.
and the world spits on me again
keep the happy memories, but do not let them cause you any further hurt and pain. jus be grateful that those instances even occurred in the first place. be content with what you had. you may never experience the same things with the same person. but isnt it better than to have never experienced it at all?
be grateful. do not bear grudges and feel sore about what the past has wrought upon you.
be grateful.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:03 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:03 PM-
Friday, April 21, 2006
ha. finally got out of NYP. weee. but NP's far. zzz. gonna die every morning. so far. -.-
hmm. was thinking bout e past today. and yea realised many many of my flaws. i hardly meet MY OWN expectations of myself. hai.. daunting task ahead of me. NP is gonna be so so competitive. wad will become of me? will i strive in this challenging and competitive environment? or will i get choked up and get pushed to one side?
wad will it be?
and the world spits on me again
hmm. was thinking bout e past today. and yea realised many many of my flaws. i hardly meet MY OWN expectations of myself. hai.. daunting task ahead of me. NP is gonna be so so competitive. wad will become of me? will i strive in this challenging and competitive environment? or will i get choked up and get pushed to one side?
wad will it be?
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:17 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:17 PM-
hmmm. it pays to be kpo. lol. being kpo got me into NP. but now i gotta withdraw from NYP by tmr or i get SGD$0 refund of sch fees. zzz stupid NYP sch rule.
oh today had tt interview by Diana Ser of the contestants who took part in the dialogue with MM Lee. they say those pple rude. zzz pple give comment only shoot shoot abit=rude and "ungrateful"? pls la. MOVE ON. dun be stuck in the past with Merdaka! stuck in your minds.
move on. LOOK AT CURRENT ISSUES. ur progress package for example.
pffft. propaganda.
and the world spits on me again
oh today had tt interview by Diana Ser of the contestants who took part in the dialogue with MM Lee. they say those pple rude. zzz pple give comment only shoot shoot abit=rude and "ungrateful"? pls la. MOVE ON. dun be stuck in the past with Merdaka! stuck in your minds.
move on. LOOK AT CURRENT ISSUES. ur progress package for example.
pffft. propaganda.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:23 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-12:23 AM-
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
MARKETING IS MANAGING PROFITABLE CUSTOMER RELATIONSHIPS. lol. gonna repeat this everyday to myself til it becomes etched on my brain like a koala to a tree.
school today was pretty boring. -.- zzz. no incentive to go school mann..... hai. ohwell. gotta live with it. dun wan coment too much here. lol.
yawn. BORING. ok this post is stupid. jus wanted to show every1 wad ive learnt on my 1st day. otherwise known as next to nothing.
and the world spits on me again
school today was pretty boring. -.- zzz. no incentive to go school mann..... hai. ohwell. gotta live with it. dun wan coment too much here. lol.
yawn. BORING. ok this post is stupid. jus wanted to show every1 wad ive learnt on my 1st day. otherwise known as next to nothing.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:21 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:21 PM-
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
zzz... tiring. ran around the whole day. no thx to a muddle headed online friend. gave me wrong directions. rawr.
i went on a wild goose chase looking for a non-existent clinic in taka. zzz. but finally got everything for school all done.
NKF--T.T Durai and his lackeys finally get charged. but 1 year jail+/or 5k fine. zzz. after all e money he siphoned off, u would think they would have more common sense to give a BIGGER fine?? or longer jail term? 5k. -.-
oh well. sch starting soon. hope i like e pple. zzz.
and the world spits on me again
i went on a wild goose chase looking for a non-existent clinic in taka. zzz. but finally got everything for school all done.
NKF--T.T Durai and his lackeys finally get charged. but 1 year jail+/or 5k fine. zzz. after all e money he siphoned off, u would think they would have more common sense to give a BIGGER fine?? or longer jail term? 5k. -.-
oh well. sch starting soon. hope i like e pple. zzz.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:44 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:44 PM-
Monday, April 17, 2006
omg la i hate snail mail!!!! they are my nemesis!!! RAWR.
1st, my debit card gets lost in the mail.
then, i receive NP's rejection letter.
THEN, i fail to receive NYP's letter of acceptance. AND SCH STARTS TODAY.
im so so screwed up. stupid postal services. or is it just my luck. SIANNNNNNNNN.
and the world spits on me again
1st, my debit card gets lost in the mail.
then, i receive NP's rejection letter.
THEN, i fail to receive NYP's letter of acceptance. AND SCH STARTS TODAY.
im so so screwed up. stupid postal services. or is it just my luck. SIANNNNNNNNN.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:26 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:26 AM-
Sunday, April 16, 2006
wad would render some1 unforgivable to you? would it take him/her to cheat on you? to toy around with ur feelings? to spread unkind stories about you? to nag at you? to call u names? to hurt ur feelings time and again? everything together?
are all these really unforgivable? save for murder, drugs, are there any actions that are unpardonable? punishment is a must, but is it not possible in ur capacity to forgive? is there such a thing as an irrepairable image? cant everyone change? perhaps it was just a matter of perspective?
wad do u think? would u be able to find it in ur heart to forgive and forget people's injustice to you? to put in the effort to rectify the situation? would you?
and the world spits on me again
are all these really unforgivable? save for murder, drugs, are there any actions that are unpardonable? punishment is a must, but is it not possible in ur capacity to forgive? is there such a thing as an irrepairable image? cant everyone change? perhaps it was just a matter of perspective?
wad do u think? would u be able to find it in ur heart to forgive and forget people's injustice to you? to put in the effort to rectify the situation? would you?
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:14 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-1:14 PM-
Friday, April 14, 2006
wth. to all u jokers out there who do/say stuff without thinking. CHANGE. pls freaking start thinking. dun end up like me--letting ur temper and circumstances get e better of you. dun hurt the pple around you in any way jus cos ure angry.
leave no room for regrets and pain. consider carefully the consequences and possible outcomes of whatever u may be goin to say/do. no matter what ur intentions are and may be, pple around u are prone to looking at it from another view and that view may be the exact opposite of what u were hoping to achieve.
so dun let there be any room for that to happen.
THINK GODAMMIT. =P
and the world spits on me again
leave no room for regrets and pain. consider carefully the consequences and possible outcomes of whatever u may be goin to say/do. no matter what ur intentions are and may be, pple around u are prone to looking at it from another view and that view may be the exact opposite of what u were hoping to achieve.
so dun let there be any room for that to happen.
THINK GODAMMIT. =P
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:53 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-11:53 PM-
Thursday, April 13, 2006
hmm i wanna clarify sth---i have NTH, repeat NTH against smokers. wad some1 said to me today made me realise my previous posts could be seen as a bias-ness against smokers.
i have absolutely no objections to people smoking but there're 2 exceptions:
1. people who mean something(read 'alot') to me
2. u're not honest bout it
otherwise im absolutely fine with it. of course, as a friend i'll "remind" u that its harmful.
thx to that person for letting me clarify. =)
and the world spits on me again
i have absolutely no objections to people smoking but there're 2 exceptions:
1. people who mean something(read 'alot') to me
2. u're not honest bout it
otherwise im absolutely fine with it. of course, as a friend i'll "remind" u that its harmful.
thx to that person for letting me clarify. =)
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:37 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-3:37 PM-
Article 14 Freedom of Speech, Assembly, and Association
(1) Subject to clauses (2) and (3)
(a) every citizen of Singapore has the right to freedom of speech and expression;
(b) all citizens of Singapore have the right to assemble peaceably and without arms; and
(c) all citizens of Singapore have the right to form associations.
(2) Parliament may by law impose
(a) on the rights conferred by clause (1)(a), such restrictions as it considers necessary or expedient in the interest of the security of Singapore or any part thereof, friendly relationspublic order or morality and restrictions designed to protect the privileges of Parliament or to provide against contempt of court, defamation or incitement to any offence; with other countries,
(b) on the rights conferred by clause (1)(b),...
(c) on the rights conferred by clause (1)(c),...
so dun threaten me. cos i have rights. so there. unless ure a national security issue. -.-
but ok i'll watch my language. =P
taken: http://www.medialaw.com.sg/march132001.htm
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:33 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-10:33 AM-
zzz... fancy calling some1 up to tell him not to include sth-sth in his blog. -.- and its not even sth regarding facts.
"pls dun mention N*** A** A********** in ur blog ty. i dun wan to tarnish its name. pls do not bring personal life into this.." blah blah..
how'd u get my blog add anw? o.0
hell as long as i tell the truth--everything posted is what you said/did, i'm not slandering you, am i? i mean. with all due respect, if the president of singapore started doing things like smoking, drinking, asking friends to get lost etc, it would make headlines.well. at least in the The New Paper. -.- so pls dun threaten me with "blogger's convention" or forum or whatever it was that u threatened me with.
moral of story is: if ure really oh so concerned bout people mentioning you, ur president-ship and ur smoking/drinking/attitude problems in the same sentence, then WATCH WHAT YOU DO. its ur life, but being president of sth leaves you open to criticisms. u're no longer on the same lvl as the rest of those in your organisation.
i have this feeling that life in sch's gonna be sh!tty for me. this lil girl is one hateful character. her influence should scare me, but heck. i'll just say what i want. as long as it DID happen, i'll say it as many times as i want. so WATCH WHAT YOU DO as president.
but oh well. i wont delete my post as requested but i'll change it, for old times sake. or else i couldnt give a sh!t.
for those of you KPO pple who wanna know what organisation it is, come ask me and i'll screen you. if u can be trusted i'll tell you. =)
and the world spits on me again
"pls dun mention N*** A** A********** in ur blog ty. i dun wan to tarnish its name. pls do not bring personal life into this.." blah blah..
how'd u get my blog add anw? o.0
hell as long as i tell the truth--everything posted is what you said/did, i'm not slandering you, am i? i mean. with all due respect, if the president of singapore started doing things like smoking, drinking, asking friends to get lost etc, it would make headlines.
moral of story is: if ure really oh so concerned bout people mentioning you, ur president-ship and ur smoking/drinking/attitude problems in the same sentence, then WATCH WHAT YOU DO. its ur life, but being president of sth leaves you open to criticisms. u're no longer on the same lvl as the rest of those in your organisation.
i have this feeling that life in sch's gonna be sh!tty for me. this lil girl is one hateful character. her influence should scare me, but heck. i'll just say what i want. as long as it DID happen, i'll say it as many times as i want. so WATCH WHAT YOU DO as president.
but oh well. i wont delete my post as requested but i'll change it, for old times sake. or else i couldnt give a sh!t.
for those of you KPO pple who wanna know what organisation it is, come ask me and i'll screen you. if u can be trusted i'll tell you. =)
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:16 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:16 AM-
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
waddafug. stupid warcraft cd can install can patch blah blah. but CANT PLAY. waste my freaking time. so bored at home now. maple seems to have lost its charm on me--most probably due to all the sad sad memories that hang around in there.(think cindy+angeline) roaar.
ingrid jus got a letter from SP saying tt she's unsuccessful in application for accountancy. omg la. NP better not reject me. &^$*@%#$^#^%!#
friends all around me have been getting calls from NP masscomm saying they have been accepted. Y NVR CALL ME. now every time i see a office number calling, my heart rate jump. stress man. 15 april come soon!!!! i wana know if i got in acountancy! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
and the world spits on me again
ingrid jus got a letter from SP saying tt she's unsuccessful in application for accountancy. omg la. NP better not reject me. &^$*@%#$^#^%!#
friends all around me have been getting calls from NP masscomm saying they have been accepted. Y NVR CALL ME. now every time i see a office number calling, my heart rate jump. stress man. 15 april come soon!!!! i wana know if i got in acountancy! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-5:01 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-5:01 PM-
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
*edit* today angeline called to say meet for dinner so heck i went. we started off pretty fine til we started talking bout her smoking.
"im not a dependent smoker. yet." YET. like sure. u'll get there. anws the whole thing jus ended up in like her saying that im not even her friend so why should i care. i cared and she took it to offence. zzz. i cared and she still ask me to "get out of my f**king life".
*edit*
and the world spits on me again
"im not a dependent smoker. yet." YET. like sure. u'll get there. anws the whole thing jus ended up in like her saying that im not even her friend so why should i care. i cared and she took it to offence. zzz. i cared and she still ask me to "get out of my f**king life".
*edit*
and the world spits on me again
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THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:01 PM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:01 PM-
after hours and hours of cracking my already cracked brain, i finally got it! -.- sure hope im consistent though. knowing me, i sure forget to update. zzz. bored.
and the world spits on me again
and the world spits on me again
__________________________________
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:34 AM-
THE DARKER SIDE OF ME;
-9:34 AM-